Author's Website: http://danny-boy-fan.greatestjournal.com Category: H/C, Smarm Warnings: Just that you need to be familiar with Abyss to understand what's going on...but I'm sure that won't be a problem here. :D Summary: Jack and Daniel deal with Daniel remembering what happened in Ba'al's fortress. Disclaimer: Still not mine....*cries*......even though I have asked numerous times for them for christmika.....still waiting on that...
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Jack stood leaning in the entryway to Daniel’s office, watching his friend silently. It was obvious that the younger man didn’t realize he was standing there, and Jack wasn’t quite sure he was ready to alert the archaeologist to his presence just yet.
Over the past week, it seemed like Daniel had purposely been trying to avoid the Colonel, something the Colonel himself found very unsettling. It had started out small - Daniel would refuse Jack’s invitations to join him at lunch or to exercise in the gym, saying he had too much work to do. Jack had accepted the reason, knowing how Daniel was still trying to settle back into the habit of being an elite member of the SGC. No doubt it was trying on the man, who hadn’ t regained all of his memories yet.
But within, what seemed like, a few days, Daniel began to obviously detach himself from his older friend altogether. At their pre-mission briefing a few days back, Jack was surprised, and a little miffed when Daniel had chosen to sit somewhere other than next to him at the briefing table, not very subtly, he might add. When Jack had sat down next to his friend before Hammond arrived, Daniel had gotten up, and moved to the other side of the table. Before Jack could say anything, the General had walked in, and the briefing started.
Things only seemed to intensify after that. Throughout the entire mission, Daniel seemed to be fine around everyone but him. At camp, when Jack would come up to his team while they were immersed in conversation, if Daniel was the one talking, he’d quickly clam up. It seemed no matter what Jack would do to get Daniel to talk, the younger man would brush him off. Not rudely, mind you. But the fact that the man who was his best friend wouldn’t open up to him anymore, in what seemed like a very short period of time, had Jack very worried. Worried that he’d unknowingly done something wrong.
Which was the reason he was now preparing himself to confront Daniel. Taking a few more moments to prepare himself for what could be anything, Jack watched as his younger friend threw down his pen in frustration, seemingly very caught up in whatever he was thinking about. He continued watching as Daniel took of his glasses, threw them down next to his pen, and cover his eyes with his hands.
‘Oh, Danny, what’s bothering you?’ Jack thought with sympathy as Daniel let out a shaky breath. The Colonel felt that now was the time to talk, or he’d have to leave. He couldn’t stand to see Daniel suffering, and it was obvious he was. Leaving wasn’t anywhere on Jack’s mental agenda, so he stepped into the room.
“Hey Daniel, what’s up?” Jack left the question open to mean ‘what’s up’ in general, or ‘what’s up’ what’s wrong. He was going to see which route Daniel would be taking this time. Daniel’s reaction made that very difficult to determine.
First, the younger man moved his hands up to his temples, so that his fingers laced his hair part of the way. He sighed loudly, and moved his lips to talk a couple of times, but couldn’t seem to find the words to say anything. Very troubled blue eyes met brown for a split second, then looked away even quicker.
“Well, I’m guessing you know why I’m here…” Jack chose to dive right into it when he realized Daniel wasn’t going to speak. “And, if by some strange phenomena that you don’t, I’ll say it….” Jack exhaled before carrying on. It was never his strong suit, this talking thing. But he’d found out the hard way before with Daniel, that not talking could lead to a very bad spot for the both of them, and he wasn't gonna let that happen again.
“I’ve realized that, in…the uh, past week…..that you’ve been…well….downright AVOIDING me.” He look down at Daniel as he came to stand on the other side of his desk. Once again the only reaction he received was a quick glance before Daniel looked away again. ‘It can’t be good if he won’t even look at me..’ The Colonel thought before forging on.
“And, I’d really like to know, what….umm, what I did to….Dammit, Daniel, would you look at me, please!” Jack said with a exasperated sigh. It took a few more minutes then he would have liked, but finally Daniel’s baby blues looked up at him. He could see his younger friend was struggling by the unshed tears in his eyes.
“You know I’m not very good at this whole friendship, talking, thing…” he stammered, uncomfortable now with the look he’d just demanded. “I, well….Crap! Can you just tell me what I did, so I can fix it?!” he couldn’t help from having his voice rise. Jack regretted it the moment Daniel broke eye contact, and began looking at his desk once more, letting out yet another ragged breath.
Rubbing his hand down his face, Jack sank down in the chair behind him. “Daniel, I’m sorry.” Still Daniel didn’t look up. “Daniel, come on, please. I’m just so frustrated because I don’t know what I did to piss you off, and I’m here now, trying to make it better, and you still won’t talk to me.” Still, there was nothing. “Daniel…please, I don’t want to jeopardize this friendship ag-
“How can you still call me your friend?” Daniel blurted out suddenly. He still wasn’t looking at Jack, though the older man could see the slow trail of tears streaking down his cheeks. Jack stared at the archaeologist, shocked.
“What?” Jack’s voice croaked in surprise. “Daniel, why would you ask me something like that?! Did I piss you off that much, that…that you think we’re….we wouldn’t be friends anymore?!” He sat forwards, still giving Daniel a stunned look. “Daniel!” he commanded gently.
“No, it’s….it’s not you, Jack.” Daniel finally looked at Jack, and what he saw in those tear-filled blue eyes broke his heart.
“You didn’t do anything…..I did…..or well, didn’t do anything is a better choice of words.” Daniel smiled, but it was nowhere near happy. He wasn’t upset with Jack. He was upset with himself.
“Daniel, what are you talking about?” Jack asked, standing up slowly.
“I’ve…..I’ve ummmm…I’ve remembered some more things….from when…when I was…” Daniel struggled through the words, and waved his right hand in the air to indicate his ‘glowy period.’ “Ya know…”
Jack walked around the desk, and kneeled by Daniel’s chair. He’d told Daniel he’d always be there to listen when his memories came back, especially the hard ones. It must be something really bad for Daniel to keep it a secret at all. “What did you remember Daniel?” he asked quietly, gently placing a hand on Daniel’s leg.
Daniel turned his head, and looked at Jack once more with tears in his eyes. “Ba’al….I remember what happened with Ba’al……” He whispered.
‘Shit, shit, shit, shit! I knew it! Why did he have to remember that?! Why so damn soon….I’m not ready for this!” Jack thought to himself before answering Daniel. “Daniel, I don’t know….what to….uhh…” He stuttered. He really wasn’t prepared to talk about this now.
“What to say?!” Daniel suddenly shouted, catching Jack off guard. The younger man rose from his chair, and began pacing his office angrily. “There is nothing to say, Jack! You needed me…..you needed me, and I didn’t help you! All you wanted from me was A LITTLE help, and what did I do? NOTHING!” He threw his hands up in the air to further emphasize the words.
“Daniel, no…” Jack rose from his position, and looked at his friend, who glared back with self-hatred. “No Daniel, that’s not true, not at all. If you had helped me in the way I wanted, I don’t know if you’d be here right now. Daniel, what your saying ISN’T TRUE”
“Yes it is! I remember you DISTINCTLY asking me for help, and I didn’t. Not in the way that mattered. I sacrificed my damn life for a whole shitload of people I didn’t know, but would I give up ascension for the one person who mattered the MOST in my life?” Daniel looked at Jack, and tears once again welled in his eyes. “I was too selfish to give up that power, Jack. I wouldn’t give it up to save YOU….” Daniel pointed at Jack, then dropped his arm suddenly. “I’m ashamed to be called your friend…” And the sobbing began. This, however, Jack WAS prepared for, and he quickly found himself at Daniel’s side, easing the distraught man to the floor as his legs gave out.
“You should hate me Jack.” Daniel mumbled into Jack’s shoulder as he cried. “How can you sit here and comfort me, when I didn’t even help you?”
“Daniel, you did help me.” Jack soothed, placing his hand on the back of Daniel’s head. “You helped me in a way I never would have thought possible. Daniel, you were there for me…”
“No-“ Daniel started to say, but Jack cut him off.
“Yes.” Jack rested his head against Daniel’s. “You were there for me in the best way ever imaginable. You believed in me Danny, in a way nobody has ever believed in me.”
“I could hear your voice, asking me for help….asking me to end it……and I didn’t. You said you’d do it for me, and I knew that, but I still wouldn’t help you. You were suffering, and I wouldn’t end it. I’m so sorry, Jack. I’m sorry.” Daniel buried his face deeper into Jack.
“No, Danny.” Jack sighed. “I should never have asked that of you. NEVER. You were already breaking some pretty major rules just being there with me. You couldn’t help me, not that way. I know that now. There is NOTHING to be sorry for, Daniel.”
When he got no response from Daniel, Jack continued on. “Daniel, you helped me. You never admitted it to me, and I don’t know if you remember, but I know you helped Sam, and Teal’c, and Jonas too…you helped them figure out a way to find me. You did help me, and I’m sure that didn’t go over too well with the others up there.”
“I….I don’t remember…” Daniel whispered, sounding somewhat confused with what he was hearing.
“That’s okay, buddy.” Jack smiled. “You don’t have to. I know it’s true. And you don’t know how good it makes me feel now to know you broke some mighty big rules to help me. I’ll admit I was upset at the time….but that’s because I didn’t understand. We can just blame all my anger on the sarcophagus addiction…” It was intended as a joke, but Daniel winced instead.
“I’m sorry about that too….I wasn’t there….” He started to say, but once again, Jack cut him off.
“It’s alright, Danny.” Jack ran his hand through the younger man’s hair. “I know you’d already spent way more time than you should have with me. Besides, I have a better understanding of what you went through with your own withdrawal.” He felt Daniel sigh under his embrace. “We can start a club…”
This time Daniel did laugh. A small, weak laugh, but it was a laugh nonetheless. Jack smiled again. He pulled back, giving his friend a look over. It was obvious Daniel was still struggling with everything he’d remembered about the incident with Ba’al.
“Why did you think you had to keep this from me, Danny?” Jack asked quietly, brushing the stray tears from his younger friend’s cheeks with his thumbs.
Daniel looked down for a moment, and then met Jack’s eyes with an apologetic glance. “I didn’t think it was something you’d want me to bring up….I thought if I brought it up, all that anger I remembered you having would come back, and the friendship thing you were talking about would be….”
“Over?” Jack finished. Daniel nodded. “Yeah, well, this avoiding me crap you were trying to pull, that’s a MUCH better way to deal with it. I thought I’d done something to piss you off.”
“I’m sorry Jack….I didn’t mean…” Jack held up his hand, haulting another one of Daniel’s apologies.
“AH, the only thing I want you apologizing for is not coming to me with all this when it first started happening…. when did it first start happening?” Jack cocked his head, curious.
“Oh….” Daniel got up, once again not looking at Jack. “Well…..umm..”
“Daniel…” Jack growled, knowing the answer he was going to get wasn’t going to be a pleasantly short period of time. He stood up, and glared at his friend.
“Three weeks?” Daniel shrugged guiltily, giving Jack a very apologetic look along with it. The Colonel dropped his head, shaking it in his ‘how did I know that was coming’ fashion.
“Three weeks, Daniel…..dammit, and it took you this long to say anything. You’ve only been avoiding me for a week!” Jack gave the archaeologist a semi-hurt look.
“I’m SORRY.” Daniel emphasized the ‘sorry’, eliciting a smile from Jack. “At first, it was stuff that came in dreams….little snippets of things we’d said in the chamber…” He asked his older friend with his eyes if it was okay to continue. When Jack nodded his okay, Daniel continued. “Then is started coming, all of it…well almost all of it, when you’d say something specific to me, or I’d see you. I began to realize that it wasn’t a dream, that I wasn’t making this up in my mind. I knew it was a memory…I’m sorry I didn’t come to you….I didn’t know how.”
Jack nodded, realizing that they needed to have a good sitdown, and talk about this. He knew Daniel was still trying to blame himself for not helping, despite Jack’s words. They both needed to clean the air of everything that happened back then. Making a decision, Jack walked past Daniel, and picked up the archaeologist’s phone, pressing in the sequence of numbers he knew all-too-well. He looked at Daniel, who stared back confused.
“What are you doing?” the younger man whispered to him. Jack put his finger to his lips in the same manner that Daniel normally did, silencing him.
“Yes, General? It’s Colonel O’Neill. I need to ask if it would be alright for Daniel and I to hightail it out of here.” Daniel’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “Yes sir, we’re fine sir. He’s just remembered something…yes, I know……well, it’s kinda personal, between us, ya know? Yes, sir…we definitely need to talk a few things out. Thank you, sir. We appreciate it.” Jack replaced the receiver.
Daniel just stared at him, surprised.
Jack walked up to his friend, and placed a hand across his shoulders, starting to lead him out of the office. “We now officially have 24 hours downtime. We are going to get changed, go topside, head to my place, and your going to tell me EVERYTHING you remember, from beginning to end, about what happened.”
Daniel gave Jack an amused glance as they strolled down the hallway, the lockroom their destination. “Oh, really?”
“OH YES….and after we’ve ingested a good amount of something very strong in the alcohol department, we are going to get down to the nitty-gritty of that….”memory”, and then file it away in our never to be opened again drawer of our friendship….” Jack looked at Daniel seriously for a moment, then smiled. “Sound like a plan?”
Daniel thrust his hands in his pockets, and seemed to contemplate Jack’s words for a few minutes. They reached the elevator, and stepped in. Jack hit the correct button, and as the doors started to close, Daniel looked at Jack, who was waiting patiently for his reply. The younger man smiled, and finally said, “Sounds like a helluva plan, Jack.”