Category: Friendship, Smarm(I hope), Hurt/Comfort, angst Summary: Daniel is not copying after opening Pandora’s Box – again! Warnings: None Disclaimer: I wish I could step up here and say they are mine – but I can’t.
~~~~~~~~~~
The sun was beginning to set on what had been a glorious summer’s day in Minnesota.
Jack watched Daniel as he slept peacefully on the lounger in the garden.
He looked as tranquil as the scenery that surrounded them, the lake was serenely calm, and the only sounds heard were the rustle of the wind in the trees and the evening calls of the loons echoing in the mountains.
It was a heavenly site – a million of miles away from the nightmare horrors that had become Daniel’s life.
When the phone call came in to say that Daniel had been found Jack had wept private tears of relief. He had immediately gone to the powers that be in Washington and had been granted time off to care for his former archaeologist – they long since knew that when Dr Jackson was ever in any trouble Jack needed to be there for him – not only for Daniels sake but also for his own peace of mind. Since accepting the desk job Jack had suffered greatly with the crushing guilt that came with it – in leaving Daniel it felt as if he had abandoned a small puppy.
It was not his fault – his knees could not stand anymore pounding and the Doctors had informed him that he risked spending his retirement in a wheelchair but that did not help with the overwhelming feeling of regret he felt in leaving SG1 – Daniel especially.
They had been through so much together over the last nine years. When Daniel had “taken the bullet” for Jack on their first mission the unbreakable bond had been formed – Jack needed Daniel – Daniel needed Jack – it was the law – end of story.
…………………………………………………………………………………………. Daniel had had a really tough few weeks and Jack had bought him to the cabin to recuperate. He had been held captive for seven days by a bounty hunter who could not believe his luck – he knew he could make himself a fortune by selling the great Doctor Jackson to a prior of the Ori. Daniel had made himself enemy number one with the Ori – no one contradicts their beliefs and he had done so on more than one occasion and had dared to do it in public as well.
The problem with Daniel is that he never goes quietly. When the rescue finally happened the rest of SG1 found their remaining teammate bound, gagged and shackled by his wrist to the cell rafters. He had been clearly been whipped and beaten – his body covered in angry looking welts. Cam Mitchell had quite happily slaughtered the bounty hunter and they had transported Daniel swiftly off the planet and into the care of Dr Lam – who was in turn horrified at the extent of his injuries!
Never the less she had worked her magic on him and now, 12 days later, he was soaking up the early evening sun – his abused body slowly healing but the internal and external scars would remain.
Jack looked at his watch – 6.30pm- supper was cooked over an hour ago but he hated to disturb Daniel – he so desperately needed to rest but now he was over due his meds and if he didn’t have them soon he would be in agony and if he didn’t eat before his antibiotics Daniel would probably spend the whole evening throwing up – either way Jack knew he would have to wake him.
“Hey Danny” he said soothingly as he knelt next to the lounger. He placed his hand gently on Daniels forehead. For the last two nights Daniel’s temperature had spiked in the evening, the wounds on his abdomen had become infected and he had also ended up with a nasty case of bronchitis because of the damp conditions – it had been a relief to Jack that Daniel had managed to sleep for over an hour without coughing. He moved his hand to Daniel’s cheek and tapped it gently.
Daniel moaned and lent into it – relishing the coolness against his hot skin – damn! Daniel cursed to himself – he knew the pounding headache and aching limbs indicated fever – again! He had felt so much better today, the warm summer sun had soothed his abused skin and he had a feeling of contentment that he hadn’t felt for along time. Daniel prized open one eye and squinted at Jack
“Fevers back” he croaked slowly sitting up with a protective arm across his stomach. He made room for Jack on the lounger – he knew his friend’s knees could not tolerate being in that position for long.
The sun was dipping below the mountains causing the temperature to drop; Daniel shivered, closed his eyes and lent his head back. Jack sat by him and slowly rubbed Daniels leg.
“Yep – fevers back” he gently confirmed. “Come on inside its getting cold out here” he urged his soon to be slumbering friend
Daniel sighed “In a minute” he replied drowsily “I kind of like the fresh air – I haven’t had much of is recently”. Jack smiled – he couldn’t argue with that. He had known the feeling well – the longing for the fresh air, the feel of the warm sun – even the rain had a certain appeal if all you had known for a long time is the damp and dark of captivity.
He turned and watched the sun as it continued to slowly disappear on the horizon – the lake looked so still like a sheet of ice – nothing moved – it was almost like the eye of a storm.
It was impossible to believe that out there, beyond the stars that were now beginning to form in the evening sky, that there was a war raging – he called it a war but was not sure that was the correct description of what was happening – but what ever it was it was evil and the young man next to him was caught right bang in the middle of it. If only Jack could stop time now – freeze the frame – keep Daniel safe.
Daniel looked so relaxed, his breathing was slow and deep – he looked at peace.
“Hope your dreams are sweet.” Jack whispered brushing some errant hair from his forehead “You deserve the sweetest dreams” he reached over and grabbed the blanket from the end of the lounger and gently placed it round the sleeping man.
“Five more minutes Danny boy,” he whispered as he gently placed a kiss on his too hot forehead and quietly tip toed back into the cabin.
……………………………………………………………………………………….
Jack was just putting another log on the fire when Daniel appeared in the doorway – shivering.
“Come on Danny let’s get you warmed up” He gently led Daniel to the armchair by the fire and helped him on with his shirt, careful not to disturb the dressings on his abdomen.
“Not feeling so good now hey,” he stated as Daniel lowered his head into his hands and moaned softly.
“Need my meds,” he admitted – he was so disappointed – he so wanted to feel well again – he wanted to spend quality time with Jack. The only time they seamed to spend together these days were when either of them were sick or injured. They had this instinctive homing devise – almost a sixth sense. The cabin was their refuge – their safe haven – even more so since Jack had moved to Washington – it was their middle ground.
“You need to eat first buddy,” Jack stated moving to the kitchen. “Don’t want you throwing up again all night” he called over his shoulder “Home made chicken soup all right with you?”
“Fine” Daniel replied with a sigh and lent his head back. He was not really hungry – in fact he felt quite nauseous – but Jack was right – antibiotics on an empty stomach was not wise.
Jack soon returned with a tray laden with a steaming bowl of soup, a bread roll, a bottle of antibiotics, a bottle of painkillers, an inhaler, cough medicine, thermometer and a glass of water.
“All for me” Daniel complained and picked up his spoon. Jack smiled and ruffled his hair
“Yep – lucky you hey!” he stated with a laugh as he sat on the sofa and started to flick through the sporting times. They sat in silence as Daniel managed to force down most of the soup and half the bread roll. He put the tray on the coffee table and smiled meekly at Jack who was observing him over the paper.
“Sorry I really can’t manage anymore” he apologised leaning back against the back of the chair again – praying that his supper would not make a repeat appearance.
Jack put his paper down, tutted, but returned the smile. He passed Daniel the glass of water and one by one administered the medication finally taking his temperature – 102 the thermometer bleeped – he tutted again but his eyes smiled kindly.
“We will take it again later – give your meds time to work” he said taking the nearly empty tray into the kitchen and proceeded to make them both a cup of tea.
He returned to find Daniel curled up on the sofa – staring at the fire – looking a million miles away. He put the cups down, pulled the blanket over Daniel, sat next to him pulling his feet on his lap and started to massage his toes.
“Wanna talk about it?” he hesitantly asked
Silence
“It might help,” he gently urged
Silence – Jack sighed and carried on massaging. He closed his eyes, powerless to help his friend, he knew Daniel was hurting and it was not just physically. Sam had phoned him several times over the last few months worried about Daniel. He had become withdrawn, sullen and angry, not the caring compassionate man that they all loved. The experience with Vala had left him bitter – another of his dreams had been taken away. Not going to Atlantis had been a crushing blow to him and in her opinion he was not handling things well – she had tried to help but Daniel had been pre occupied.
Jack reached over and put the table lamp on. An orange glow filled the room, picked up his paper again – Daniel had obviously pulled the shutters up – he would give him time.
The fact that Daniel eventually broke the silence amazed Jack!
“Actually its fine” he stated – emotionlessly. “Having lived it I don’t have the compulsion to talk about it you know to re live it again so to speak” he carried on staring into the fire.
“Funny thing is” he continued flatly “ I am getting used to this whole box thing – I visualise my box – this one was a blue one – you know I don’t know why – I think I liked the colour – no no – it was the colour of the ropes they used – fancy that….” He was rambling.
“Daniel – stop,” reproached Jack
Daniel closed his eyes – “Sorry – sarcasm is my escape at the moment – bad habit”
The room turned silent again – Jack thought Daniel was a sleep until he turned slowly on to his back, wincing as the action pulled on the wounds on his stomach.
“Anyway I have put the whole experience in my box and buried it in my mind, did as I was told – do you know I have so many boxes in there I am surprised my head is not square”
Jack winched at the comment but nodded in understanding – he knew how Daniel felt – he had got more than his own share of boxes himself.
Daniel lay, staring at the ceiling, a single tear escaped and rolled down his fever red cheek.
“Its hard at the moment” he admitted – angrily brushing the tear away.
Jacks heart was breaking – Daniel looked and sounded so hurt.
“I know things are tough,” he commiserated, not really knowing what to say, how to comfort him. They sat in silence again for a while listening to the crackle of the fire – the room raw with emotion.
“Why don’t you quit Danny?” Jack asked quietly “You’ve done your bit – you deserve your happily ever after – wife, kids the works – its your choice”
Daniel carefully sat up – groaning at re awakening the pain in his stomach.
“Well, you see, that is where the problem is – I no longer have the choice – that luxury has been taken away” he closed his eyes, biting his bottom lip as the pain eased.
“Don’t know what you mean” Jack replied, carefully. Daniel was talking, opening up he did not want to upset him – he needed to off load on someone and Jack wanted, no needed, it to be him – he did not want to feel helpless anymore.
“Ah well, it is simple – I chose to open the gate, I chose to stay on Abydos, I chose to join SG1, I chose to find Share, I chose to help defeat the Goual’d and the replicators, I even chose to ascend – I don’t think I had a say in the decent ion – but the rest was my choice – my decision. I no long have that right” Daniel was tiring and his words were beginning to slur, he lent into Jack and rested his weary head on his friends shoulder
“I chose to go to Atlantis – but hey – someone up there does not like me” Daniel buried his head further into Jacks shoulder, trying to get comfortable. He knew what he was going to say next was hard – he might need someone to catch him if he fell. He needed Jack to hold him and not let him fall.
“The problem with the situation we are in now” he continued quietly almost whispering “It is all of my doing – me – no one else – I marched boldly up to evils door – barged in – found Pandora’s Box took a crowbar to it and unleashed the contents on the universe – it was my fault and if I don’t stop them I will never, ever, be able to live with my self – I have no choices left- fate came along and kicked me in the balls – this is my happily ever after – and do you know what? It sucks! ” Daniel was stuttering, trying, but failing to control his emotions but silent tears were poring down his face – he was spent.
Jack was almost at a loss as what to say – he took a deep breath – pulled his friend in close.
“God Daniel” he said gently wiping Daniels tears away – horrified at his friend’s admission. He had no idea Daniel felt this low, he was worried about him and intended to have a word with Landry. Someone needed to keep a close eye on him.
He thought long and hard about what to say next – Daniel had sounded so alone and Jack knew that it was partially his fault. He needed to let Daniel know how much he cared.
“I know this wont count for much – but you will always have me – when the going gets tough, when things get too hard to bear – I will always be here” he pointed at Daniels head “and more importantly I will always be here” he pointed at Daniels heart.
“When you want to escape search your mind for the brightest golden box – open it and you will be here with me in our happy place – watching the sun set beyond the mountains, listening to the loons calling – peaceful, content and together – and when it is all over I promise I will help you find your happily ever after – no one in this world deserves it more than you – don’t you ever forget that.” Jack turned Daniels face to his “ People will know what you have achieved one day – I promise you this with all my heart – I will strive to get you the recognison you so richly deserve”
Daniel lent into Jack as his friend embraced him – he felt so safe in his arms.
“I am so tired.” Daniel admitted, “So very tired, tired of fighting and tired of pretending – I just want to sleep”
“I know, I know” Jack soothed running his fingers through Daniel’s hair, hugging him close to his body “So sleep Daniel – its ok – I will always be here – right by your side – I promise” he carried on stroking Daniels hair as he relaxed and muttered “Kay”
Within moments he was a sleep – dead to the world – Jack carefully laid him back down on the sofa and covered him with the blanket. He looked down at his broken friend. He was no longer the fresh-faced young archaeologist who bounded into his life. What had happened to him? He looked so old – he looked lost.
“Find the golden box Danny – you will be fine” he quietly urged him.
Jack turned and sank into the armchair by the log fire and lent his head back – powerless to prevent his own silent tears from streaming down his face
“I promise I will always be right by your side” he repeated, closed his eyes and prayed that he would be joining Daniel in his golden box.