Chapter Five *** “Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king's horses And all the king's men Couldn't put Humpty Dumpty Together again.”
~*~*~*~*~
The macabre dance of a mourner’s body.
Back and forth. They swayed under the pressure of their broken hearts. Back and forth.
In and out. They’re left no choice but to breathe the air tainted with the death of their loved ones. In and out.
Carter waded through the mourners with heavy feet and an even heavier heart. She remembered how Daniel used to go on for hours about these people. She had met them briefly from time to time when she’d come and do her tests, but she never really got to know them personally.
Not like Daniel had.
Not like Teal’c had.
Looking over, she wasn’t surprised to see grief deeply seated in her Jaffa friend’s eyes. Nor was she surprised to see her own reflecting back from his.
Because although she never got the chance to get to know these villagers face to face, she got to know the best of them through Daniel.
…through his words and hands. They were so full of passion when he talked about them.
…and through his eyes. At the mere mention of the Tydens, they would light up like a little kid’s on Christmas.
The memory granted her a brief smile, only to be wiped away by another one.
Daniel literally in pieces among them.
Daniel lying so still in the infirmary.
God…the utter despair in his eyes was not nearly as horrific as the stillness.
Stillness…
Stillness, when it came to Daniel, was deafening.
…and heart wrenching.
So unnatural, it left you breathless and grasping for something to hold your shifted balance.
So unnatural…she feared it.
… terrified that it would be the last image she’d have of him.
…terrified that she would never see his light again.
~~~~~~~~~~
~// Daniel missed Egypt. He missed the sun. He missed the sand. He missed the smell even.
…and he missed the safety. There, his parents knew just about everyone, so he could go off on his own everyday if he wanted and no one would have to worry. However, wandering off, no matter how unintentionally in New York…was nothing short of traumatizing.
By the time he realized he wasn’t with his mother anymore, he was three blocks away…and he had no idea where he was.
He kept trying to ask people for help…but nobody would stop. Barely even bothering with a glance, they all just went around him, like an insignificant obstacle to a school of fish.
He just could not understand the people here. He needed help…simple directions even, that’s all…and nobody would spare the time or care, to give it. Hundreds of people surrounded him…yet he was all alone.
He had considered back tracking…until he realized that he hadn’t a clue on how he got there in the first place. Finally deciding that it was best to stay put until he could think of a better plan, Daniel made himself as small as he could against a garbage can and waited…and fell asleep.
Forty-five minutes later, he woke up in his sobbing mother’s arms.
She had found him.
He didn’t know how, but she found him.
And he knew she would.
Now, after hours and hours of clucking from his parents, he finally convinced them to let him go to his roof…things were so much simpler up here.
Less chaotic.
Standing above the city, surrounded by his air-bound friends, Daniel wished he was home again.
He thought New York could be that place…there were an infinite amount of things to learn and experience here… and he loved it, he truly, truly did…but it just wasn’t… home.
He just wanted…home. //~
~~~~~~~~~~
There are moments in your life where time literally stands still.
Where the world embraces you in its held breath.
Where you are blind, save what lies directly before you.
That moment is usually at the end of one path and the beginning of a crossroads.
That moment may be where you find the courage to make that choice.
That moment…may be where you realize you don’t have one.
Jack scrubbed a hand down his face.
He felt it…
He had been hanging onto the hope that what had happened with Annie was a one time thing.
…some twisted alien joke, maybe.
They’d help Daniel through it and move on…
Now though…it appeared that the ride was just getting started…
…and they were left kicking and screaming, strapped down in the back seat.
Back and forth, Jack looked between the two doctors eagerly waiting for one to say something. But it was becoming abundantly clear that neither intended to be the first to speak. Actually…he was having a bit of a hard time forming a sentence at the moment himself.
Was it really so long ago that they sat in the same spot blaming it all on the flu?
If only life were that easy around here.
…that normal.
…that much less painful.
Jesus…
…that much more bearable…
Sighing, Jack didn’t want to be the one to push them all forward on this unchosen path…still he wanted to know.
He wanted to know, so they could get on with it already.
He wanted to know, so it could be over with and the healing could begin.
He wanted to know exactly…
“What the hell is going on?!”
But nobody offered an answer to his outburst…
…still lost in that moment perhaps.
…still holding onto the dust that was once considered choice.
God…
“Colonel O’Neill. Doctor Frasier.” Walking into the room, oblivious to the time warp that encompassed the three, General George Hammond greeted with a nod and southern accent. “How’s our boy doing?” he asked, noting with a frown how tired his favorite archaeologist looked.
Daniel found his hands rather interesting, as Janet turned to answer their commanding officer, clutching the archaeologist’s chart to her chest…
“Sir? …uh…”
Knowing that it was never a good thing when two of the most brilliant people on his staff were speechless; Hammond clenched his fists to prepare himself. “Something tells me I’m not going to like what I’m about to hear.”
“Trust me, I know the feeling.” Jack replied with a sigh, looking down and scratching at an invisible something on his palm.
“Well, would someone care to explain to me what is going on?”
Janet looked like a deer caught in headlights and Daniel hugged himself while silently refusing to make eye contact with anyone else in the room...
He was still struggling with the tears left over from the first time around.
And frankly…so was Jack.
On the best of days, someone might have trouble dealing with their own pain…but to literally experience the pain of someone you love or care about, and not be able to do anything to help them…
…sitting there powerlessly, as a never-ending tremor tore through his friend, Jack could sympathize…if only to a degree. Still, that degree brought helpless tears to the eyes of a United States Air Force Colonel.
…and gut wrenching worry that threatened to break the heart of a best friend in two.
God…
Why…?
“Aahh…” Taking a shaky breath, hoping to dislodge the clump of raw emotion he felt settle in his throat, Jack was the first to speak up. “…it appears, sir…that, um…we…well… have no idea.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Uh, what he means, sir…is…uh…” Janet tried to come to the rescue.
…but failed miserably as Jack stated the obvious again, keeping his head down so no one could see the anguish in his eyes. “Yeah, not a clue, sir.”
“That’s unacceptable people…and quite frankly, I find it hard to believe.” Hammond replied, looking to the younger man for some clarity. “Dr. Jackson?”
Shaking his head wearily and unsuccessfully trying to still the tremors that rippled through his body, Daniel couldn’t even look at him.
…and that’s what told Hammond it was bad.
Real bad.
George was never much of a cussing man, but right now he wanted nothing more than to spit out a slew of words that would probably make his mother, God rest her soul, turn over in her grave.
It took a lot to slump Dr. Jackson’s shoulders. A LOT. And whoever was responsible for it, was going to regret they messed with the son of the SGC.
Daniel may have been the one that opened the gate, ultimately giving it life, but the mountain embraced him as if he were her own.
And interestingly enough, one of the most capable men on base…was watched over like the most easily broken.
The mountain was going to rumble tonight.
“Let’s take it from the top, people.”
~~~~~~~~~~
~// “Did you pick?” Claire hollered to her son, as she finished up in the kitchen.
“Yup!” she heard him yell, as he jumped off his stool in the bathroom and ran to his room to fetch the book.
They had just recently finished reading “The Tale of Two Cities” and were about to start on “Don Quixote” when Claire stumble upon some of her books from when she was very little, in an old storage unit.
They were insanely simple books, children’s fairy tales and nursery rhymes, so she didn’t think her son would be interested.
…and she couldn’t believe she’d never read him any version of them before… but to her delight, he was more than thrilled to share in his mother’s memories...
Walking into his bedroom of Egyptian decor, Daniel handed her his choice and for a moment she was whisked back to a musty tent in Belize.
Daniel had picked the Nursery Rhymes. Probably, she figured, because the pages were filled with her writings. Six years old, she remembered her tiny hand dancing across the pages as she tried to translate the rhymes into the third language she was learning.
They looked so sloppy now, she mused, though she knew how much time and care she had took into writing each one out… She had hoped to do the same with her book of fairy tales…but she was not able…her father saw to that…//~
~~~~~~~~~~
“I beg your pardon?”
Looking between the three, Hammond couldn’t believe his ears. Was it not enough the young man managed to get himself hurt on a regular basis…? “Is this true, son?” he asked, ducking his head a bit to try and make eye contact with the archaeologist.
“Looks like it, sir.” Daniel answered dejectedly.
George brought his arms out from his sides and look helplessly towards the Colonel and Janet. “Well, what now?”
Lowering his head into his hands, Jack was ready to indulge in a moment to collect himself. He really needed to, he was about to blow…
But Daniel had finally won the battle against his tears, if only for a moment, and was ready to push on…though still failing to still the waves that broke against him. “Ookay…” the archaeologist thought out loud. “…we know who this happened with…”
“Now lets try to figure out how, people.” Hammond finished.
“Well, sir…” Janet offered. “I actually might have a theory on the how…if I may.”
Jack raised his eyebrows and Hammond nodded.
~~~~~~~~~~ She wanted to cry.
Huddled in the shadows, humming as she rocked, she wanted another way to release the storm that consumed her heart. She was so cold; she wanted to feel the warm blood of her soul running down her cheeks. She wanted to cry… She wanted to cry like Dan’el had…
But she didn’t know how… ~~~~~~~~~~
“Now…it’s a leap.” Janet warned, wary of her co-workers’ reactions. “…a big leap… and just a suggestion …but...” taking a deep breath, she continued, hoping that they would at least try and take her seriously. “A friend of mine is really into the metaphysical and paranormal and she might suggest that it would have something to do with a …sort of… spiritual connection you form with people.”
Three sets of eyebrows were raised in unison.
“Now, I know this doesn’t explain everything, but…”
“You’re saying that Daniel has a spiritual connection with you?” Jack asked incredulously, interrupting her.
“Not with just me, sir…and not just Daniel actually.” Janet took another breath to steady her patience. “The point is, she believes we all form some kind of bond with the people in our lives, especially with the people we care about and that the closer we are to those people, the stronger the connection.”
“So…knowing Daniel…he would have one with just about half of the SGC.” Jack voice was bitter. Not for the compassion the younger man held…but for the price it might now be costing him.
Janet ducked her head dolefully. “Probably, sir, at least on some level…including you.”
“Me?”
“Actually, Jack,” Daniel piped in nonchalantly. “…your knees are killing me…could you do something about that? Take something may…?”
~~~~~~~~~~
A song filled the air ...but it was not one to ease the heart of a sleepless child…
The mourners were many, far spread and weak with despair, but they grieved as one.
…they grieved in harmony from the inner most part of their souls.
…and it was as sad, as it was beautiful.
Feeling a tug on his pant leg, Dr. Riley Macintyre looked down into his shadow’s huge brown eyes.
When he was given this mission to help with communication and anything else that might be required, he knew he was in for an emotional challenge. His first time to a new world …and all there was to see was death…
…on the ground and in the haunted eyes of those who managed to escape it.
When he first gated to the planet, he found her sitting alone in the shade of a make-shift shelter, cradling a little bloody doll. She wouldn’t speak or look at anyone. She just kept her head bent, humming and rocking back and forth with her small charge…
/ “Olá aí, estou-me Riley.” he greeted, crouching down slowly beside her. “O que é seu nome?”
But she wouldn’t tell him her name, let alone look at him.
Shivering, she folded into herself further, flinching when he went to comfort her.
So they just sat there, Riley, not knowing how to comfort, and Kayna…not knowing how to accept it from a stranger.
Wordlessly she trembled as she stroked her battered doll’s yarn hair…caked with blood, she didn’t even notice.
Mac knew it wasn’t the weather that shook her tiny frame. What was more like fall to them, was a warm summer day for the Tydens. Still…the sooner he got her out of the damp and impossible corner of the world she sat huddled in…the better.
Then maybe they could find something that had seemed lost since the first cry of battle…
First, however…he had to gain her trust.
…and figure out how.
Sitting there cross legged in front of her, thinking of his next step, Riley let the villagers’ grief wash over him…
The sounds were becoming harsher, as the strain of mourning for so long began to take its toll on their bodies, and more desperate because everything else had been taken from them…let not their ability to grieve as well.
...still there was no doubt they would finish their threnody, at least the stronger, for what else was there left to do?
The humming vibrated in the linguist’s chest and under his skin, sending stabs of helpless agony straight to his heart.
…and he had to close his eyes against it.
God…and to think, I was so excited when I first heard I got a mission.
Taking a deep breath to get a hold of his emotions, Riley pulled the bandana Daniel gave him out of his pack and laid it on the ground between them.
He had an idea.
“Para seua boneca.” he whispered, hoping she would take the offer. If she wouldn’t let him help her…maybe she’d let him help her friend…
…then maybe, just maybe…each other…
After what seemed like an eternity, an impossibly small and dirty hand finally reached out and pulled the fabric into her lap, instantly wrapping it around her doll.
One small step for man…
It was a few more minutes before her humming began to fade and she started sneaking glances at him, playing with her dolly’s newly acquired blanket.
He’d smile at her and she’d quickly look away.
They played this game for a while, getting comfortable with each other in the mist of death, until Riley decided that it was now or never…
…ever so slowly, he eased his hand out through the fog.
Holding his breath, saying a silent prayer that never touched his lips, he waited for her to reach for it.
…and at last, from the shadows…she did.
So very slowly...a steady hand to a trembling one. “Deixe-nos achar o sol.” he whispered, grasping hers lightly.
Let us find the sun…/
~~~~~~~~~~
~//Watching as the golden rays disappeared from his bedroom, Daniel sat in his mother’s lap, lightly fingering the book in his hands.
“Will you promise me something, Danny?”
“Sure.” he answered immediately, his head resting against her shoulder as she rocked.
“Promise me that you’ll never forget…”
She couldn’t explain it…and she wouldn’t dare ponder what it meant. But as she sat there with her son, waiting for her husband to join them…Claire became overwhelmed with the need to secure a part of her son’s life, she feared, she’d soon no longer have control over.
Maybe it was because she had almost lost him today and thinking of him all alone out there…and not being able to get to him-- made her realize that she wouldn’t always be able to be there for him.
“Forget what?” he asked, still playing with the book.
…and as insanely silly as it was…she knew if she could get her son to remember one thing…just this one thing…then he would be alright.
“You’re so young Danny, yet you already challenge the greatest of minds.” Claire gently squeezed her son. “You see and understand so much more than I could ever have hoped. You thrive on discovery and people and learning new things, and it’s wonderful …I just, I just never want you to forget...”
…because I know what it’s like to grow up in a house that has.
Daniel lifted his head up and peered intensely at her as she trailed off. “Mama…forget what?” he asked, furrowing his brow.
Brushing a stray hair out of his eyes, Mrs. Jackson cupped his cheek. “To play, my darling…to play.”
When Daniel just raised his eyebrows incredulously at her, she chuckled.
“Forgetting may not be something you ever intend to do.” she replied, tapping the tip of his nose and causing him to scrunch it up and giggle. “…but trust me, it’s easier than you think, especially when you’re driven so strongly by something.”
“Just,” she continued. “… no matter how smart and old you get, no matter how many secrets you unlock. No matter how much you even love what you do…never forget that there’s more out there. You don’t have to just uncover Danny…you can create.”
“…or...” she added, lightly tickling him. “…you’ll end up turning into a grumpy old man with nothing more important to him than his work.”
Daniel stopped giggling to rest his head on his mother’s shoulder. “Is that what happened to Nick? …did he forget to play?” he whispered gravely.
Not seeing that coming, and yet again underestimating her son’s intuition, Claire struggled against her tears. Her father did forget. He became so wrapped up in figuring out the past, that he completely missed out on the present. He missed watching her and her son grow up.
“Yeah…I guess so.” she whispered back, hugging the bundle in her arms tighter, cherishing every moment. “So...are you going to promise me that, once in awhile you’ll remember to take a break and go jump in a puddle or something?”
Daniel giggled and wrapped his arms around her. “I promise, mama…I’ll never forget.” he whispered, burying his face in her neck.
“I’ll never…”//~
~~~~~~~~~~
“Forget it.” Daniel whispered, ducking his head when he saw the horror settle across his friend’s face. “Never mind, I’m fine.”
But it was too late. Jack knew he was still in pain. And worse yet…just found out that he was responsible for some of it…
…as involuntarily as it was.
The only thing worse than an angry colonel, was a powerless one…
“Forget what, Daniel?!” Jack asked tersely, losing the battle to remain in control of his emotions.
Janet and Hammond exchanged worried glances.
This was getting worse by the second.
“The fact that you’re hurting and we can’t figure out why? Or the fact that somehow now we are the ones hurting you and we haven’t an inkling on how to stop it?!”
Jack let out a strangled breath, stood up and turned his back to everyone. Running a hand roughly through his hair, he catapulted the room into a pregnant silence that was just as deafening as the worry pounding away in everyone’s chests.
Nobody could speak…
Nobody knew what to say…
Both men were bleeding for the other…
…one would rather die than be helpless…
…one just might.
Finally, Jack sat back down and looked his best friend wearily in the eyes.
“My knees are killing you…” he whispered dejectedly.
Daniel bit his lower lip. “Yeah…” he drawled out. With his elbows on the edge of the bed, Jack rested his head in his hands again and sighed.
Damnit.
This is insane.
“What else?” he asked hoarsely through his hands, looking back up he added with a little more force, “And why didn’t you say anything sooner?”
“Well...honestly, I just started to notice it.”
So it was getting worse by the second...if that were possible.
Frustrated, Jack slapped his hands against the bed and unintentionally made his friend jump. “So…what…??!” he yelled, looking to Frasier and Hammond with his arms out towards the archaeologist. “…it’s not enough that he gets stuck dying someone else’s death…now he has to be the sponge for the entire SGC’s aches and pains?!”
…for mine?!
“Well no, sir…not necessarily.” Janet brought up a finger up and Jack raised his eyebrows.
“Daniel…you don’t feel anything more…physically distinct other than the colonel’s…knees, do you?” she asked, walking around to the other side of the young man and finally putting down his chart.
“No...”
“So?!” Jack honestly was working on being the silly and absurd self…he usually pretended to be in intense situations, it was just taking a lot more effort this time.
“What are you getting at, Doctor?” Hammond prodded.
“Okay,” Janet thanked her lucky stars for actually paying close enough attention to her friend when she would prattle on about her field. Janet had always found metaphysical and para-psychological studies interesting—but never really gave it much thought. Of course, since working at the SGC she’s been giving a lot of stuff more thought. “Taking another huge leap here sirs, but my guess would be that when it comes to transferring pain, it would depend on the severity, the strength of the connection and perhaps even what took precedent. Say maybe he would feel your pain,” she said, gesturing to Jack. “someone he might be closer to, before…than say, Siler’s tennis elbow.”
“Siler has tennis elbow?” Ah…there we go, Jack thought…though he was only rewarded with a brief annoyed glance from the three before Janet continued.
“Okay Daniel,” I want you to tell me exactly how you are feeling right now.”
Daniel looked up at Jack and continued when he nodded.
“Well, aside from what I’ve already told you…tired.”
“Tired?” Janet asked. “Anything else.”
“Tired and…” Daniel paused as he looked for the right word, but Jack already knew it.
“Torn.” he finished for him sullenly, feeling something tear inside himself.
“Yeah…” Daniel affirmed hoarsely, hugging himself tighter and looking away. “…torn.”
~~~~~~~~~~
Another tug on his pant leg brought Riley back to the moment.
Kneeling down beside her, he was thankful that someone had at least told him her name, so he didn’t have to keep referring to her as ‘the little girl’. And despite the fact that she still had yet to speak…he continued to encourage her to. “O que é ele, Kayna?” he asked.
Kayna simply pointed east. And when he looked up he saw half of SG-1 making their way towards them.
“Major Carter, Teal’c.” he greeted, standing.
They greeted back with a nod, as Kayna walked right up to the Jaffa to be instantly lifted into his tender arms.
“Do you know the whereabouts of Juni?” Teal’c got straight to the point, as he ever so softly caressed Kayna’s hair, who already had herself snuggled against his neck.
The former first prime did not seem at all surprised that she wasn’t talking. And that’s when Macintyre realized that Teal’c knew whose blood it was that soaked her doll.
He was here, right after it happened.
Teal’c knew the magnitude of her personal loss. He knew the little girl before war found her village…and he mourned the loss of her as well…
…because he knew that same little girl that once laughed so easily…was gone forever.
No wonder he held her so close…
No wonder so many tears threatened release from the Jaffa’s eyes.
…if she could not cry…he would be the tear drop she could cling to.
“Riley?” Carter prodded, snapping him out of his reverie. “Do you know where he is?”
“Uh, yeah.” Clearing his throat, the red-headed anthropologist made a mental note to talk with Teal’c later. “…he’s about a half a mile that way…still looking for…” the word ‘survivors’ felt so foreign on Riley’s tongue…that he ended up swallowing it and quickly changing the subject.
“How’s Dr. Jacks…uh, Daniel?” He always insisted that he call him by his first name.
“Not good, I’m afraid.” Carter stated softly, ducking her head.
Mac knew no one was taking what happened well, least of all Daniel…but he saw something other than grief flutter across his teammates faces.
And it looked an awful lot like fear.
“What’s wrong? What happened?” he asked, fear moving across his own features now.
Carter instantly put her hands up to calm him. “It’s…” Hell what was it. It wasn’t okay. “It’s…difficult.” she decided. “We don’t know exactly what’s going on…which is why we’re here. Can you take us to Juni?”
“Yeah,” he answered immediately, grabbing his pack. “This way.”
~~~~~~~~~~
Jack watched from behind the curtain, as Daniel fidgeted with the sleeve of his newly acquired flight jacket, and he had to admit that he preferred this behavior to the previous.
His friend had just sat there for hours between tests, rubbing invisible scars and staring off into the nightmare that had created them.
And the longer Jack watched his best friend, the less and less he saw Daniel.
He was so honestly afraid that he’d return, only to find the husk of his friend…that he actually procrastinated filling Carter in for as long as he could.
Common sense had finally ended up winning out…but fear gave it a good fight.
…and he was still losing him.
“I’m right here, Jack.” Daniel whispered, sending chills down the colonel’s spine. The statement was meant to let him know he could come in…but Daniel’s words had snapped Jack out of his reverie…
…only to knock him into the bitter sweet memory of a better time…
~~~~~
/ Teal’c walked into the living room of Jack’s cabin, with a big blue blob waddling closely behind him.
“Teal’c!” Jack greeted, trying with all his might to keep a straight face. “Where’s Daniel? I thought he was coming out too.”
“Jaaaaaaack.” cried the blob, as, what one could only assume were arms, started waving about. “I’m right heeerre.”
“Daniel?” Turning in a circle to look around the room, Jack watched as Carter fell off the couch in a heap of laughter.
So much for being a reserved Air Force Major.
Of course, if this was making a Jaffa smirk, then he should give her some credit and he should get a damn medal!
The blob was starting to whine now. “Jaaaaack.”
Bringing a fist to his mouth and clearing his throat to steady himself, Jack stepped closer to the talking heap of snowsuits.
“Daniel?” he peered. “you in there?” he asked, pushing and pulling layers of fabric out of the way, trying to find his friend’s face.
The blob dramatically sighed and nearly undid what little of Jack’s composure was left.
“Jaack! I can’t breathe!” it cried, unsuccessfully trying to reach its face with its outreached arms. Even after turning in circles, trying to bend and weave, the arms still remained stretched out from its sides, its wrists the only things bendable as they flapped back and forth.
…and Jack couldn’t take it anymore.
Wrapping one arm around his waist, and steadying one on his knee, Colonel Jack O’Neill laughed harder than he had in his entire life.
“Guuuys. Will you get a grip?” Daniel moaned with a hop that nearly left him tumbling. “I really don’t see why this is necessary.” In case you didn’t know…*thump* is the sound colonels make when they hit the floor laughing.
Teal’c was the only one left standing now…present blob not included of course.
“Because, DanielJackson, you are just recovering from an illness and DoctorFrasier insisted that you sufficiently dress, if you are to partake in any outside activity.”
“Teal’c!” came a muffle and a body jerk as Daniel tried to thrust out his arms. “It’s at least thirty degrees outside!! NOT five! AND we’re just walking down to the big lake; we’re not going on a three day expedition!!”
“I am aware of this DanielJackson…”
“Danny…” Jack forced out between his fits. “I think what T is trying to say is, better safe than sorry. Frasier would have our asses in a sling if you got pneumonia again.”
Daniel finally resigned with a huff and waddled his way to the door, bouncing back when his arms were sticking out too far to fit through.
Oh, it was going to be a great day in good ole’ snowy Minnesota, Jack decided, lying flat on his back, laughing so hard tears were streaming down his face.
A GREAT day… /
~~~~~
…and it was.
To Daniel’s horrid dismay, Carter ended up using him as a sled to beat everyone down to the lake. And the look on his face…or what they could see of it, was nothing less than priceless when Teal’c stated that he should like a turn too.
“Jack?”
Daniel called for him again, and Jack had to admit that he really didn’t want to step through to the other side of the curtain just yet. He wanted to stay outside with the laughter echoing off the mountainsides.
He wanted to stay out in the clean, innocent air.
He wanted to stay where the only pain his friend felt was that which is caused from holding your bladder too long, as you race to free yourself from layers upon layers of clothes.
“Jack?”
But he wasn’t outside breathing in the unsullied air, relishing the laughter of his kids.
He was in a mountain, inhaling its stale recycled atmosphere, trying to figure out a way… to be able to hear that laughter again.
When the curtain finally peeled back a little bit, revealing a concerned archaeologist, Jack cursed himself. His friend shouldn’t be worrying about him.
“Ah…” Daniel held the curtain and looked around the infirmary. “are you…?”
“Yeah…sorry, you ready?” he asked, stepping in from the cold and into his own personal hell, known as helplessness.
“Yeah, you alright?” Daniel asked, sitting back down on the cot, pulling his shoes on and desperately hoping that the shake in his hands went unnoticed.
“Yeah...” …but they didn’t and Jack’s face sharpened.
Damnit.
Would they ever stop?
After some serious groveling Janet had agreed to let Daniel out of the infirmary… but she wasn’t about to let him leave the base. Which…well…wasn’t exactly unexpected, given the circumstances and was fine by Jack…this way it was easier to keep an eye on his favorite archaeologist.
…this way, help would only be a few floors away.
Daniel’s ‘release’, of course did not come without conditions.
And Jack was going to take care of one of them right now.
“So…” he started.
“So…” The linguist’s vocabulary seemed to have depleted tremendously.
“Shall I order something in, or do you really want to know what my stomach goes through after eating in the commissary?”
The younger man managed half a grin before ducking his head.
“Ordering in it is then.”
The room then fell into an uncomfortable silence, as they waited for Janet to return with Daniel’s test results. She already went over them once, but wanted to take a closer look before she released the archaeologist from her clutches.
“So…Macadoodle is helping Carter and Teal’c out.” Jack attempted to break the silence.
“Macintyre.” Daniel corrected, not even bothering to look up, still playing with his sleeve.
“Right, that’s what I said. MacGyver. Anyway, he’s going to help them get to the bottom of this, so we can get you back to your good old charming, if not infuriating self again.”
Daniel smiled, but Jack saw something else in his eyes.
“He’s a good man, Jack.”
“Hey, I didn’t say he wasn’t.”
…he had seen it before…right after Sha’uri died.
“He’s a brilliant anthropologist and linguist and, I’ll have you know,” Daniel continued with what could almost pass as a grin. “…he was his university’s top defense linebacker. So…I guess you could say that he’s been…de-geeked a bit.” he added, briefly glancing up at Jack.
“Daniel,” Jack smiled. “I’ve read his file. You’ve been recommending him for a mission for months now.”
“Yeah, well…if anyone can get to the bottom of what’s going on, I’m sure he can.”
…it was hopelessness.
Daniel never asked or even mentioned anything about the Tydens. He wasn’t bouncing theories off everyone and never once did he suggest going back to the planet himself.
Not that Jack would ever let him.
“Daniel?” Talk to me.
“Jack.” I can’t.
“Daniel…” Why?
“...cause it hurts too much.”
“Well, Daniel your MRI and CAT scan both appear normal, which in itself is odd.” Janet informed them, pushing back the curtain and walking to their sides, her eyes still on the chart.
When she finally looked up and saw the raw pain both men stared wordlessly at each other with, she stopped in her tracks.
She was about to turn tail and walk back out, when Daniel raised his eyebrows confused and Jack piped in. “A normal brain scan of Daniel’s is odd?”
Janet smiled despite herself, she’d never cease to be amazed at the strength of their coping will. “What I mean, sir, is that normally people who have experienced anything even remotely like Daniel has--showed signs of escalated or abnormal brain activity.”
“But…I don’t?”
“No Daniel, you don’t”
Jack could see the panic slowly starting to edge its way across his friend’s face. Daniel didn’t think they believed him…even after everything that’s happened.
Damnit.
“Which…” Janet finally came to the rescue. “…is actually a good thing, Daniel.”
“It is?” They both asked with a double take.
“Yes, because hopefully it means that the physical effects of…whatever this is, is limited to what we’ve seen so far. Which is, shock, fever and low blood sugar?”
“Well, that’s something…” Jack looked to Daniel hopefully. “…isn’t it?”
“Sure…” he replied halfheartedly.
How could he tell them that it wasn’t his body he feared for?
…it was his soul.
Sure…
~~~~~~~~~~
“Juni, please!” Carter was getting frustrated…and pissed. “Teal’c, is he understanding anything we’re saying.”
“I believe so, MajorCarter. However, he does not seem to be concerned.”
“That’s just it! He almost seems happy!” She griped.
“Indeed, he keeps congratulating us.”
Carter sighed and shook her head. She just got the latest on Daniel and all Juni could do was nod his head and grin, before going back to the bleak task of clearing the aftermath of the war.
“Well…I don’t understand how this can be a good thing.” Carter huffed.
“Okay,” she continued. “…quit asking him if he knows what it is…and just ask him if he can fix it.”
Macintyre did so, and both he and Teal’c arched their eyebrows in surprise at the chief’s answer.
“What? Teal’c? What’d he say?” Carter asked, worried by their expressions.
“He said…” The Jaffa paused and creased his brow, frowning. “…he said that there is nothing to fix. That it is who DanielJackson is.”
~~~~~~~~~~
It had been two days since Daniel’s release from the infirmary and Jack was headed down to the VIP room now to haul him back.
His archaeologist would not be pleased, but Jack was at a loss, as was everyone else.
Daniel just kept withdrawing further and further within himself. He didn’t mention anymore…experiences, but Jack knew there were at least a few. How’d he know? Because with each one, his friend would wince, get this far away look in his eyes and subconsciously rub the newly assaulted area.
It was getting worse. They didn’t know how or why…but it seemed as if Daniel’s “connections” were almost…strengthening. And the stronger they grew, the weaker Daniel got.
In a self-contained hug, he attempted to shield himself from the world and hold the broken pieces of his soul together at the same time. …but everyone could tell his defenses were failing, his mind and body were growing more and more fragile by the hour…and soon, they feared, there would be nothing left to keep him from shattering.
…and they were absolutely, painfully clueless as to how to keep that from happening.
They tried contacting their off-world allies for help, but had yet to hear from any of them. Juni also had yet to be useful and Carter, Teal’c and Macintyre had tried everything short of beating him to get him to understand the seriousness of the situation.
When they told him Daniel was sick, he’d simply say, “He is not sick.”
When they asked him what he did to him, he’d simply reply, “I did nothing.”
When they told him what was happening to Daniel, he’d simply nod, “It is his gift.”
The man infuriated Jack more than Daniel ever could.
Of course, the rest of the villagers reacted the same way. Nod and acted as if it were completely normal that Jack had to take Aleve to keep himself from hurting his best friend.
Pausing around the corner of his archaeologist’s room, Jack knew the guard he posted incase Daniel needed anything during the full fifteen minutes he was ever gone from his side, would be there and he didn’t want him to see the tears that had formed in his eyes as he made his way back to his worn and battered friend.
With every hour that past, Daniel slipped further and further from his grasp.
…and every slip took a part of Jack with it.
…and all he could do was stand by and watch it happen.
Closing his eyes, Jack pulled back the tears that so desperately wanted to fall and cleared his throat.
They will fix this. They will find a way to help Daniel. He didn’t care what it took. He wasn’t about to lose his best friend again. And he sure as hell wasn’t going to lose him to someone else’s struggle…to his pain.
Walking into the room, Jack found the object of his sleepless nights and grey hair…his best friend sitting with his shoulders bent, absently playing with a chess piece, with one arm wrapped around himself.
“So…” Jack greeted, taking a seat in the opposite chair.
“So…”
“How ya feeling?”
“Fine. You?”
“Liar.”
“Jack, I told you…”
“What hurts too much, Daniel?” He’d been asking him the same question for days, but his friend continued to refuse him the answer.
…and when tears pooled in his eyes, as he shook his head and looked away, Jack knew today wouldn’t be any different.
Why wouldn’t he tell him?
Maybe there was something he could do.
Maybe there was one…maybe he could help.
Sighing and scrubbing a hand down his face, Jack had to look away too, his own tears were too close to the surface…and the last thing he wanted was to look like a blubbering idiot.
He was so tired…
...tired of watching his Daniel hurt.
…tired of not being able to do anything about it.
…and tired of only being tired…when his best friend wordlessly suffered so much more.
“Daniel…” Jack had to push forward, if he was going to walk out of there with a dry face. He thought briefly about asking his friend why he never requested to go back to the planet… but the anguish already set in his eyes, told him that it was best not to yet.
“…at least eat something then. If you’re fine, then eat something.”
The archaeologist paled considerably and looked away. “I can’t.”
“Daniel…I’m not saying it has to be a big meal…just something…anything. …cause if you don’t, within the next half hour Janet’s flunkies will be bearing down on you, and there’s nothing I can do to stop them from dragging you back to the infirmary.”
Daniel closed his eyes and Jack cursed the tremor that followed. He swore every one of those tore a piece of his friend off with it.
Finally, Daniel nodded woefully. “Just…give me a second.” he whispered, pushing himself up on shaky arms and walking to the bathroom.
Watching him walk away, Jack realized that time…was the only thing he had to offer his friend.
~~~~~~~~~~
~// Settling with Daniel between them, the Jackson’s each kissed their son on the head. “One for today.” Claire whispered. “And one for tomorrow.” Mel added.
Smiling at the comfort of their nightly ritual, Daniel burrowed himself further between his parents and opened his mother’s book to the first page.
“Comfortable?” she asked.
“Yup.”
And with that, Claire kissed her son’s head again, and lightly took one corner of the book as she began reading.
“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall…”//~
~~~~~~~~~~
Picking up debris, Sam watched as Kayna sat on the charred land, squinting and frowning as if she was trying to imitate a facial expression she witnessed.
…as if, as if she were trying to cry.
Carter looked to see where Macintyre was and found him speaking with a group of villagers, still within Kayna’s sight. Over the past few days, the humming had greatly lessened and more and more people were starting to talk.
Hopefully soon, they would find someone able to help them.
…hopefully soon, the nightmare, at least the one plaguing Daniel’s body, would be over.
She remembered how absolutely weary and emaciated her friend looked, when she had visited after dropping off her report.
It took all she had not to start sobbing right there.
But she knew he needed her to act strong …because he was losing the battle to be so himself…
…of course, she also knew that if he did lose that battle…
…everybody would…
~~~~~~~~~~
Daniel stood in front of the mirror and studied the stranger peering back from it. He didn’t even recognize himself anymore…of course, it wouldn’t be for the first time…
When this nightmare first started, he struggled for purpose…understanding.
…now though, now it literally took all his strength not to just curl up in the farthest corner he could find and let the world claim him.
Exhausted, didn’t even come close to describing his body and spirit. Everyday it got harder and harder to hold onto himself, to fight the pain of another’s body and not give into its pull.
…and everyday he felt himself losing.
…and the worst of it was…that he could feel, not only their physical pain, but the emotional anguish his closest friends suffered for him.
And it was consuming.
It hurt more than any assault on the body…
And that’s why he couldn’t tell Jack. Because it would just make him feel worse…and neither one would be able to bear it.
~~~~~~~~~~
Blinking back the tears her memories threatened to shed, Sam kept an eye on the little girl from a distance, as she continued in her task of picking up left over debris…
Kayna wouldn’t sleep or eat without Riley and she always had to have him in sight. She also had yet to speak, but at least she wasn’t huddled in a corner somewhere, reliving her nightmare by herself, over and over again.
Since most of the destruction had been cleaned away, left only to be seen in the minds of those who had witnessed it, Hammond asked that Teal’c check on the Naquada mine and Juni insisted to accompany him.
…he wanted so desperately to do something other than clear the bodies he couldn’t save.
…he wanted to do more than wait for a miracle…
…and Carter knew exactly how he felt.
~~~~~~~~~~
Jack was about to check on his friend, when he heard him scream.
“Daniel?!” Running towards the bathroom before his feet even realized it; Jack grabbed the door jam and swung himself in. “Daniel?”
When the archaeologist just stood there, staring wide eyed at him, the colonel eased forward.
“Danny?” he asked again, fear causing his breath to hitch with his heart.
Swallowing convulsively, Daniel slowly shifted his gaze down to his trembling hands and furrowed his brow. “J’c?”
“Jesus!” lurching forward and grabbing Daniel’s bloody hand, Jack ended up with an armful of archaeologist. “Get Frasier!” he yelled to the guard that came in behind him, as he eased his friend down into his lap.
“Daniel, how’d you…what happened?!”
“It…”
“What?” he urged. “…geez, you cut yourself good.” he hissed, applying pressure the best he could.
“It…it wasn’t… it wasn’t me.” Daniel stammered, staring at the blood pooling over both their hands.
“What? What are you talking about?”
“It wasn’t…it wasn’t me…it was…”
~~~~~~~~~~
Carter pulled her hand back with a hiss and cradled it to her chest. She didn’t see the fallen knife hidden in the debris.
Good one, Sam. she thought.
Quickly grabbing some gauze and applying pressure with a wince, she called for Macintyre.
Damnit!
She was going to need stitches.
~~~~~~~~~~
~// “...and all the kings’ horses and all the kings’ men couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again.”
Daniel stared at his parents with surprisingly troubled eyes. “Why couldn’t they put him back together…?” he asked, in an impossibly small voice. //~
~~~~~~~~~~
Holding the pieces of his trembling friend in his arms, Jack sat completely frozen with only one word able to pass through his lips.
“No…”
God, no… ~~~~~~~~~~
~//“Well…” Mel started gently. “I guess…I guess they just didn’t know how…”//~
DISCLAIMER: All characters and property of Stargate SG-1 belong to MGM/UA, World Gekko Corp. and Double Secret Productions. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Any other characters, the storyline and the actual story are the property of the author.