Nature's first green is gold, Her hardest hue to hold. Her early leaf's a flower; But only so an hour. Then leaf subsides to leaf. So Eden sank to grief, So dawn goes down to day. Nothing gold can stay. ~Robert Frost
~*~*~*~*~
The clouds hung so low on this day of mourning; they threatened to swallow him whole.
…and he wished they would get on with it already.
He didn’t want to live.
There was nothing left to live for.
Losing one in his lifetime was unbearable…
…losing two, impossible.
The bitter rain and wind beat against him relentlessly…
…but he could not feel it.
Lost too deep in his grief to notice the elements pounding away at his body, he stood unflinching and watched as the pellets bounced off the coffin before him.
Tink… tink… plop… tink…
They fell in slow motion…as if Mother Nature herself were denying that it was true.
People came to show their respect…
…to show and share their admiration for a man they never truly knew.
Sure…they knew he was a kind man. A man with a good heart. But they didn’t know…they would never be able to fully comprehend his contributions to society.
Dozens of people gathered under umbrellas, while those who circled closest to him insisted that he seek shelter from the storm too, but it was the one raging inside of him that he needed protecting from.
How could this of happened?
He should have found a way to stop it.
He should have found a way to save…
A sob broke free and he hid his face in his hands.
And when warmth, meant to console found their way to his shoulders, he immediately shrugged them off.
He didn’t deserve it…
…and he didn’t want it from them.
Besides, he had to be strong now.
He had to take care of himself.
He was…he was too old to cry.
“Danny?” The social worker whispered, grasping his shoulder softly. “Danny, it’s time to go.”
Numbly lifting his hands to caress the two coffins before him, the little boy said goodbye, as the wind and rain continued to pound away at his tiny frame.
He said goodbye to lullabies and fairytales.
“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall…”
He said goodbye to safety in his parents’ embrace and the sound of his name on their lips.
“Dannnnnnny, Danny it’s time to get up honey…”
He said goodbye to the subtle sweet smell of his mother and the tickle of his father’s stubble against his cheek…
“One for today, one for tomorrow…”
He said goodbye…to home.
“Danny?”
Slowly dropping his hands to his side, the little boy squared his shoulders. “My name…” he strained, lifting his head and forcing strength into his trembling voice. “…is Daniel.” //~
~~~~~~~~~~
/ Breaths quick and harsh, sweat poured down his trembling body. The familiar object felt heavy and wrong in his hands this day. But he had to make it stop. He could take the pain no longer. This was the only way…
…the only way…
So tightening his grip on the cold metal, he closed his eyes and whimpered a goodbye. “I’m sorry.” /
~~~~~~~~~~
“Nooo!” his cry echoed.
Finally breaking out of their grasps, Jack rushed to his friend’s side and pushed everyone out of his way.
“Daniel?” he whispered tentatively, reaching out to the still form while everyone, including Hammond, just stared on with shock and tears in their eyes.
Touching his friend’s face, Jack was forced to lean on the cot for support when his knees threatened to give out.
“Oh God…”
He…
“Daniel…” he choked, taking the archaeologist’s pale, slack face in both hands. “don’t do this to me. Don’t you do this to me again, damnit.” he ordered.
But the monotonous beat of the clock was his only reply now.
A rhythm that did not belong on the wall.
This can’t be it…
This can’t…
Tightening his grip on the younger man’s face, Jack desperately urged the life he could not feel pulse beneath his fingertips back into his friend. “Come on.” he begged, tears glistening in his eyes--perched to fall with hope.
…tick…
…tick…
…tick…
“Son of a bitch!” Folding into his own pain, Jack grabbed the archaeologist’s shoulders and shook him. “Damnit, Daniel! Get up!” he futilely demanded.
This isn’t it!
This isn’t happening!
The general went to pull Jack away, but he ripped from his grips and cried a desperate and broken, “NO!” as he went to hold his friend’s face in his hands again.
“Jack, he’s gone.” Hammond’s voice shook as the acrid words left his mouth.
“No he’s not!” Jack forced back, not even looking at his C.O.
No he’s not…
“Let him go, son.”
/ “Don’t let me go, Jack!” / “Daniel,” cradling his head in his hands, Jack ignored the world save one man and leaned in close, whispering hoarsely through the lump in his throat. “This isn’t you. You hear me? This isn’t your time. This isn’t your death, damnit!” he insisted, trembling as his body threatened to give into the reality that pressed so heavily upon him.
/ “I’ve got you! Jesus…just hold on, Daniel! Just hold on!” /
Please…
Leaning over him, Jack tried to wipe the blood from his friend’s marred face, but he only succeeded in smearing it. “God, this isn’t you...” he whimpered hoarsely, staring at the bright liquid.
And all anybody could do was watch. Some with their mouths covered, trying, but failing to maintain their professional detachment. Some utterly still but for the tears that silently slid down their faces.
“He’ll be back.” Jack suddenly whispered in the most painfully small voice, his eyes never wavering from their willful gaze. “I just…I just have to hold on so he can find his way home.”
Janet closed her eyes, freeing her own tears and Hammond had to look away from the monitors that spoke otherwise. They both would have preferred mind blowing rage when it came to Jack's inability to protect the younger man. Anything but this… Never had they seen him so broken before, so emotionally raw and worn that his heart was left exposed and his fists too heavy to raise.
It was unsettling.
It was unbearable.
“Why…” Hammond started softly, “why don’t we give him some room, people.”
The nursing staff obeyed without question, but not without hesitation in their hearts. Why was it so hard to turn away from something that pained you anyway? Still, they left the oppressed room in silence and all that remained now to witness the useless struggle against fate was Hammond and Frasier.
“Jack…” Janet had finally found her voice, but the crack in it and the use of his first name threatened to break the wall the colonel had kept intact now for so many years…since his son had died.
“No.” his voice wavered this time, but he still refused to look away from his friend. Daniel wasn’t…he was coming back…he wasn’t really…he couldn’t…this can’t be it... Everything was supposed to be okay. Daniel had even snorted.
Everything was supposed to be okay.
Everything…
Choking on an impossible chunk of reality, Jack moaned piteously. “Nooo…” Shaking his head and biting his lips, despite his best efforts, he started to lose the battle to deny what was right in front of him. “No...” He couldn’t be…
No…
I promised.
Moving his hands down to grab the fabric at his friend’s shoulders, Jack slowly dropped his forehead onto Daniel’s lifeless body, closing his eyes. A blanket of truth settled over him quickly and he found himself suddenly very cold…and incapable of keeping the wall standing any longer.
I lost him. God, I lost him…
“I’m sorry,” he gasped.
Daniel was gone forever this time. There was no Oma. There was nothing to bring his friend back to him and Colonel Jack O’Neill had finally reached his breaking point.
He’s really gone…I failed him for the last time…
He’s really gone…
Janet had to cover her mouth to quiet her own sobs and Hammond’s chin trembled, as they witnessed the wall come tumbling down, revealing a side of the man they had never known before.
…and the more it fell, the more it poured.
Jack cried openly and he cried hard, clutching onto Daniel as if he could still save a piece of him.
He cried and let his tears mix with the drying blood of his best friend.
He cried for the all the times that he hadn’t, and should have.
He cried and he didn’t care what anybody thought of him, because nothing mattered now.
…and as he sobbed against the beatless heart, it dawned on him that the most painful sound in the world-- was one you could not even hear.
~~~~~~~~~~
/ …they cried and begged for him to put the gun down, but he could not hear them, for the wave had finally swallowed him whole, and as he tumbled in its embrace he was left deafened by its roar.
This was the only way.
The only way…
He was doing it for the both of them.
So leveling the trembling gun upon her, his finger found the trigger as Carter begged one last time. “Please, no...” “I’m sorry.” /
~~~~~~~~~~
~// “It doesn’t matter,” he whispered wearily, as he watched the world pass by in a blurry haze.
Sitting in the backseat, Daniel let Nick’s reason for abandoning him fade into the background. He didn’t need him anyway.
He needed…
Lips trembling, Daniel bit them to keep the sob that so desperately wanted to follow from escaping. Oh how he wanted to cry, to scream, to throw a fit even.
…but he wouldn’t dare do it in front of his estranged grandfather, for fear that he might actually try and comfort him with awkward gestures and meaningless words…
…or worse, that he wouldn’t try at all.
Biting his lips so hard now that they bled, Daniel welcomed the metallic taste, as it dissolved the syrupy flavor left from the waffles Nick insisted he eat. He didn’t want to be reminded all day that the man nearly missed his own daughter’s funeral. He didn’t want to be reminded that the only thing the last of his family could offer him, was breakfast at the first restaurant they passed.
But it didn’t matter anyway, cause he didn’t need him.
Lightly rubbing a hand over his pant’s pockets, Daniel sought comfort in the impression his tiny fingers traced. He wished he could hold what was left of the gift he had made his parents in his hands, but Nick and the women ‘attending’ to him would just see it as garbage and throw it away.
And he couldn’t risk that.
They would see torn paper. Daniel saw the only thing he had left from that day.
A tremor tore its way through his spine carrying unbidden memories and he forced his mind to concentrate on the high pitched whistle of the brakes as Nick pulled the car up to the apartment building. However, when he saw the social workers waiting on the curb like vultures, his chest tightened. He didn’t like these two. They didn’t care about him. These two were just doing their jobs. And he was just another little kid they had to push through the system.
Closing his eyes in an effort to steady himself, Daniel urged his lungs to expand with a deep breath. He couldn’t cry yet…not yet, though he was literally vibrating from the inside out with the emotions his little body fought so hard to keep contained.
Just a little bit longer. He bravely told himself, swallowing hard and opening the car door. That’s when Nick abruptly reached around and grabbed his arm. And looking him in the eyes, Daniel found an unexpected sorrow there as the older man’s words pierced through his defenses, leaving him lightheaded and dangerously close to spilling his tears.
“Someday you’ll find someone to fill that void for you, Daniel. That person just can’t be me.”
Dazedly stepping onto the sidewalk, Daniel watched as the very last piece of himself drove away…and with his grandfather’s last words still echoing in his ears, all he could think was…
Liar. //~
~~~~~~~~~~
Eyes squeezed shut, she rocked. Clutching his shirt, Kayna rocked and hummed so hard it came out broken. The sun gone, the wind bitter, goose bumps covered her flesh, but she paid them no heed, just like the danger that surrounded her.
He was gone.
Just like everyone else.
She hummed and willed her soul to bleed as Riley’s body had. She rocked and with her blood stained hands, clung to the faded light that had once been her hope. Her father gone, her mother dead at her birth, Kayna was alone once again.
“Não! Não!” she cried, struggling as she was roughly pulled away from the last remaining warmth of her friend. But kicking and screaming she could do nothing more than watch as his body became the centerpiece of their enemy’s rage.
“Não! Ri’ee! Não!”
~~~~~~~~~~
“Don’t!” Jack warned, sitting up and pulling his lifeless friend protectively against him, Daniel’s head ominously lolling back until Jack cradled it to his shoulder.
Janet stepped back and looked to Hammond for help, her eyes full of pain and uncertainty.
“Jack,” George eased. “let us take care of him now, son.”
Jack’s face contorted miserably and he shook his head, burying his face against Daniel’s neck as he started rocking the limp body. “That’s my job.” he whimpered.
Janet didn’t need to close her eyes this time for the tears to fall, and for a second Hammond didn’t see Jack holding Daniel, he saw him holding Charlie. And as he looked away with an even deeper ache in his heart, he realized for the first time that his 2IC wasn’t just losing his best friend…he was losing something much, much more…
What now? he asked himself, as Jack continued his useless pleas…
“Come on, Daniel,” his voice trembled. “you said it was me that got you back before, so hold on, damnit and I’ll bring you home. Let me bring you home,” he rocked, “let me bring you home…”
Janet didn’t think she would be able bear the sight much longer. Colonel Jack O’Neill, completely and utterly…lost.
It was unbearable enough losing…
Biting her lips, Janet closed her eyes and ducked her head, swallowing a sob. When she finally had the strength to open them again, she looked to the weeping man through her own blurry pain.
No…it never did get easier seeing a strong man broken.
Another tear lethargically rolled down her cheek, slowed by the finality it carried and she pressed her hand against its warmth, desperate to feel an ache anywhere other than her heart.
She was useless.
And Jack’s pleas were tearing a whole in her chest like acid rain.
He needed his best friend to be alive. And only a miracle could give him that.
So…there was nothing left to do but leave and she knew Hammond would eventually follow. For the only thing they could give Jack now…was space to let go.
Hammond would no doubt go back to his office and pour himself some whiskey he kept hidden in his drawer and she would leave and find a place where her legs could give out and she would be left alone to mourn a man, who was killed by the weight of his heart for the second time in as many years.
God…
Slowly walking away on legs she feared might fail her too soon, the click of her heels came as an unwelcomed intruder in their den of sorrow. Piercing through the sanctioned fog, Janet was seriously considering ripping her shoes off when she froze, her heart stopping in her chest when a sound danced through the air that she never imagined hearing again.
No, it’s…it’s impossible.
Holding her breath and trembling now as more tears rushed to the surface, bringing hope this time, Frasier slowly turned around…
~~~~~~~~~~
/ “Oh, Daniel!” she gasped, grabbing her chest. “I didn’t see you there.”
Ducking his head, the archaeologist blushed. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you like that.” he quickly apologized, though Doctor Frasier was already ushering him out of the supply closet she had been doing her inventory in.
“Tell you what,” she started, gently guiding the younger man by the elbow. “you give me a good enough reason for being out of bed and I’ll forgive you.”
“Uh,” Daniel furrowed his eyebrows. “because I’m fine.” he flashed her a million dollar smile.
Stopping and turning him to face her, Janet placed a hand over his upper arm. “Daniel…” she hesitated, not sure whether to confide in him as a doctor…or a friend. They had almost lost him again--this time, to over a dozen homeless consciousnesses.
The doctor in her would say that two days of observation would more than suffice since all of his tests came back good…despite the underlying exhaustion she saw in his eyes. But the friend in her…the part of her he called for when he surfaced from his invaded mind, had yet to find the strength to let him go more than twenty feet from her presence.
“…your body has been put under a great deal of stress.” she eased, swallowing hard and hoping he would give in…but knowing that he wouldn’t.
She kept running the same tests on him, just to make sure there weren’t any residual side affect. But in all honesty, she had to admit that it was probably more therapeutic for her and the rest of SG-1 that Daniel was still confined to the infirmary than it was for Daniel.
And as he took her hands in his, his eyes told her that he was finished humoring them. “Janet, do you have any idea what it’s like to be stuck in a bed for two days, that comes attached with its very own, already assembled mother hen?”
She ducked her head and giggled. She couldn’t help it. Colonel O’Neill had refused to leave Daniel’s side, even when he was in isolation. He had to be driving the archaeologist insane by now with his persistent hovering.
“Daniel…” Please…
“Janet,” he grinned. “you can’t keep me tucked away forever. I swear if you guys don’t give me some breathing room soon, I’ll rebel. I’ll get…a tattoo of, of, of, Bastet, or something.” His eyes were firm, but the small smile growing on his lips made the truth easier for Janet to bear. He was right. The infirmary couldn’t protect Daniel from the universe forever. It was bound to find him no matter where they tried to hide him.
Forcing herself not to dwell on that particularly depressing notion and wondering briefly who invited logic into her day, Janet nodded. “Okay, but…” she added with a finger in the air as they started down the hall again. “for the sake of one grey- haired-mother hen, I’d like to recommend you not be left alone yet.”
Daniel put his hands in his pockets and leaned back, his head tilted towards the ceiling as he thought. “Deal.” he answered, straightening back up. He wouldn’t admit it, but he actually wouldn’t mind some company. He still felt sort of out of it sometimes and knowing someone was close that could ground him actually made him feel better. He just needed some space…and fresh air. After being cooped up in the infirmary for two days, not allowed to do much more than breathe, he’d even be happy to be assigned to the VIP room. Not that he would divulge that bit of information to Janet.
“And,” Janet added, “you guys have to come over for a barbecue this weekend at my place.”
Releasing a breath he hadn’t know he was holding, Daniel smiled down at her. “I think we can manage that.”
“Good.” she flashed him one back as they continued down the corridor.
“Daniel?”
“Yeah?”
As they rounded the corner and out of sight, Janet asked the archaeologist the question she’d been wondering since he nearly scared her to death in the supply closet.
“How did you get past the colonel?”
“Aahh…”/
~~~~~~~~~~
Janet couldn’t believe her eyes.
Oh my God.
It was impossible.
“S…sir?” she stumbled, almost afraid to speak and wake herself up. Because there, right before her eyes, Jack was cajoling another breath out of their young friend as he stared and clutched to Jack as if he were his lifeline.
/“He keeps repeating that you are the only one that can bring him back, O’Neill.” /
“Oh my…”
~~~~~~~~~~
/ “God.”
Hanging onto Daniel as they stumbled through the gate, not for the first time Jack was regretting his decision. Dozens of weapons aimed at them, he hefted the archaeologist against his side when he whimpered and started to slide to the ground
“Come on, buddy, stay with me,” he begged, but it was useless. Daniel had already succumbed to environment.
Damnit, this had better work. /
~~~~~~~~~~
Walking into the ICU, Jacob paused. It was almost as if a…bubble had descended upon the room, consuming all that occupied it. You could literally see and feel the difference in the air.
So dense it was hard to breathe.
So saturated with fear and forced hope that it clung to your flesh, leaving your entire body with an inconsolable ache.
George had told them in a nut shell, a very large nutshell what had been happening and despite the haunted features and weariness that seemed to have settled over the man like a heavy blanket, Jacob and Selmak still had trouble believing it. That is, until now…
There were only two people that occupied Daniel’s bedside. Janet. And Jack. They both held the eyes of a worried loved one. …but it was Jack that Jacob zeroed in on.
Eyes dark and sunken in from sleepless nights. Hair and clothes unkempt as there were more important things to tend to. The colonel sat holding Daniel’s lax hand in his, lightly rubbing circles over it with his thumb. Still, it wasn’t that that had the Tok’ra stopped in his tracks. It was the raw, unguarded manner with which Jack watched each rise and fall of his best friend’s chest.
~~~~~~~~~~
Come on, Danny.
…up…
…down…
Keep breathing.
…up…
…down…
God, just keep breathing.
Watching as the stark white sheet rose with his best friend’s chest, Jack battled a seesaw of emotions that raged within him.
Daniel was alive…he had gotten him back. He didn’t know how, but he did. And he knew he should be elated…but he wasn’t.
He couldn’t be. Not with the incredible pressure that still weighed so heavily upon his chest.
It was getting harder and harder to get his friend back from…God knows where and Jack knew it was only a matter of time before Daniel was pulled away from them again. …and he had a feeling that when that time did come--it would be for good.
Closing his eyes briefly with a sigh, Jack asked questions he knew the universe held no true answers for. When did it all go so wrong? he wondered, taking in the pale and nearly lifeless body of his best friend.
When did the battles they fought turn into mere games for the Reaper? When did they become death’s pawns?
God…
It honestly felt like they no longer lived.
They merely survived.
And it was becoming all they could do to hold on long enough to be moved to the next position on the blood stained board.
They had to make it stop. They had to find a way to take back their lives.
…before one was lost to the game forever.
Tears rushed to meet Jack’s eyes and he welcomed the sting of self-deprecation they carried.
He was a man of action. He was not built to sit on the sidelines. He was not designed to wait worlds away on the fate of his friends, and he was not made to helplessly watch as another one struggled to survive someone else’s final move across the board.
But here he was.
Closing his eyes and scrubbing at his face, Jack began to gently rub circles over the hand he held in his, vainly wishing that it were at least enough to drawl out the pain that was etched across his unconscious friend’s features.
…pain that had hijacked Daniel’s body and threatened to take him away from them forever.
…pain that Jack’s own heart contributed to.
~~~~~~~~~~
God…
Suddenly, Jacob was fearing for his daughter. Whose death was it that Daniel had died?
“Jake?” he heard his old friend ask.
Halfheartedly nodding that he was okay, Jacob silently walked into the stale room, slowly pushing his way through the thick, desolate atmosphere that threatened to swallow him whole. Reaching the bed, he looked down at the emaciated body, which still held Jack’s gaze. “How is he?” he whispered, afraid to shatter the delicate bubble.
“He’s holding his own.” The good doctor answered solemnly.
“We came as soon as we got the message.”
At this, Jack finally looked up, and Jacob couldn’t help but notice the flash of anger in his eyes.
The Tok’ra’s tone softened in understanding. “Honestly, Jack, we got here as quickly as we could.”
Too tired and worried to argue, Jack shook his head and looked back down at his friend. “Just help him.” he simply ordered. …I no longer can.
“We’ll do our best.”
Closing his eyes at the familiar words and the promises they were unable to keep before, Jack hesitantly removed his hand from Daniel for the first time since he cradled his lifeless body.
He had refused to let go of him, even as they rushed him to the O.R., and Frasier actually admitted that she didn’t think it was such a good idea either. So with him, Jack stayed, holding onto Daniel’s soul through their clasped hands and watching as the doctors repaired wounds that had no right being there.
Taking out the device, Jacob held it over Daniel and frowned as its rays danced across him. It was a miracle that he was alive at all. …a miracle, but not a surprise. This was, after all, the “Bounce Back Kid.”
Concentrating, Jacob and Selmak started imagining the body coming together as it once was…whole; untouched by the invisible hand of inhumanity.
Minutes passed and nobody moved. Nobody breathed. The scene so achingly familiar, that the memory of Jack telling Jacob to “stop” echoed throughout their hearts and minds.
Thankfully, as they remembered the events which brought them to this very moment, the only requests that were cast out were those of silent prayers asking for a second miracle in one day.
It had been a long and exhausting road.
…and they prayed to whoever was listening that it wasn’t over yet.
And as if heard, Daniel started wiggling beneath the healing device’s beam, his head jerking back and forth as he whimpered and clenched his hands into the cot.
“Daniel?” Brow furrowed, Jack called in a voice thick with both concern and hope.
…and the archaeologist answered by screaming at the top of his lungs. “STOP!”
Jacob did so and Jack was instantly on his feet. “Ssh, Hey! It’s okay,” he soothed, trying to hold his struggling friend still.
“No m’re! Ple’se, no more!” Daniel cried shaking his head, weakly curling away from Jacob and holding his arms out to Jack, straining the lines hooked to him in the process.
Jack immediately and awkwardly pulled his friend protectively against him. The brief relief he experienced at seeing the fight back in Daniel, quickly turning to confusion and fear again as he held the sobbing man and absorbed everyone’s stunned expressions.
Did they fail to bring his friend back whole?
“Daniel?” he whispered apprehensively.
“They hurt too much” he sobbed into his shoulder, shaking.
“Who, Daniel?” Janet asked, breathless with the turn of events.
Daniel peeked from Jack’s shoulder and weakly pointed to Jacob. “Them.”
Everyone was now looking at the formal General.
“No, Daniel. They were healing you.” Jack eased.
Trembling, Daniel shook his head and buried himself into Jack’s neck, causing the colonel to blush and shrug as everybody gaped at them. “No, they hurt too much.” came a muffled reply.
Realization dawned as all eyes once again rested upon Jacob. This time, however, they were filled with sympathy. Hundreds of years of loss and pain in one body. One body that already had it’s own to deal with.
…and the healing device was no doubt a direct link to it for Daniel.
“I’m sorry, we didn’t realize…”
“There’s nothing to apologize for.” Jack whispered thickly, still hanging onto his friend. “It’s okay,” he soothed the whimpering man in his arms, trying to convince himself the same thing. “Ssshh, it’s okay.”
~~~~~~~~~~
~// Gasping with tears and exhaustion, Daniel ran up the stairs and away from the callous eyes of the social workers. He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t hold it in any longer and he couldn’t go into the apartment…he knew what was in there…
…he knew what wasn’t in there.
Blasting through the rooftop’s door, Daniel fell to his knees and folded into himself, finally letting the wave of emotions that he had been holding at bay rush over him.
This can’t be happening. It can’t be.
…it can’t be.
“NOO…” he wailed. “No.”
Crying harder than he had in his entire life and clutching what remained of it in his hands, Daniel screamed, his agony echoing against the buildings causing birds to scatter from its strength. //~
~~~~~~~~~~
…so strong, it was almost painful as it pulsed its way through his body, causing his eyes to close despite his best efforts.
Exhaustion.
God, never could he remember being this drained before. Sitting in his designated hospital chair, eyes drooping shut again, Jack was vaguely aware of the concerned looks he was getting, but was too tired to care. His body becoming heavy as it relaxed, he started to drift…
// “…actually, if you pay close attention to patterns found throughout all world cultures, and even now those we've found that have diverged and evolved on other planets, you can see that mythology is a viable tool of legit…” Daniel paused mid sentence and looked at his C.O., who happened to be slouched in his office chair, staring off into space. “Um, Jack?”
“Huh…?” Quickly sitting up, Jack feigned innocence, clearing his throat. “Wow, fascinating. I had no idea.”
Daniel crossed his arms in front of his chest and pursed his lips, knowingly. “You had no idea that whaaaat?” he drawled out, turning his head to look myopically at him.
Uh-oh, busted…by a smart ass, no less.
“Um…” Idly tapping the armrest, Jack looked everywhere around the room except at Daniel. “okay, so I wasn’t exactly paying attention.”
Daniel raised his eyebrows sardonically. “Reeeeally?” he drawled out again, looking over his glasses.
Now Colonel Jack O’Neill was a smart man. He didn’t get to where he was in life on pure luck. He knew when to hold them, he knew when to fold them, he knew when to walk away, but more importantly…he knew when to change the subject and slip in a little bribery. “So…dinner? My treat.”
Daniel ducked his head and tried to hide his smile, just as Jack let his shamelessly beam. He knew that look. Steak, here we come! The archaeologist was just about to say something…probably threaten to get lobster or something, when the phone rang.
“…hold on.”
The weak voice sounded familiar, yet muffled and distant as Jack watched Daniel walk over to answer the phone…
“Hold on…”
…whimpering, the cries were getting more desperate…
“Hold on.”
…and somehow Jack knew it wouldn’t stop until he answered its call…//
“Hold on!”
Jerking awake, Jack cursed himself. “I’m here, Danny. I am holding on.” he instantly soothed, squeezing the hand he held in his.
…and just like every time before, Daniel’s breaths calmed, he blinked slowly and then returned to his regularly vacant stare.
Jack sighed.
Yup, just like every time before.
What he wouldn’t give for a lecture right now.
What he wouldn’t give for a mind-numbing, eyes-glazing lecture from his friend. Anything would be better than this. Even clingy-childlike Daniel would have been preferable to this one-where he just stared off into a nightmare that Jack could not protect him from and only Daniel could see.
Too weak and emotionally exhausted to do anything more, his friend just let the tears listlessly fall from grace. And whether they were for his own pain or the worlds’…it didn’t really matter, because each one still brought Jack closer to screaming.
To quote Daniel, “How much longer?”
Taking a deep breath, Jack forced his mind to wander onto something else, but it didn’t wander far…
They were still at a loss as to what had happened on the Tydens’ planet and Daniel wasn’t able to clue them in because he wasn’t talking…save an occasional plea for Jack to hold on--despite the fact that he never let go.
Damnit.
Key angsty music, please.
Continuing the waiting dance, Jack scrubbed at his head with his free hand and then eased it down to his neck, where he let it dangle and slowly let his breath slip out between his lips.
It was times like these that Jack wished he would have just stayed retired and gotten a disobedient dog, instead of three trouble magnets to worry about…even though they were his favorite magnets and he’d no doubt fall to pieces without them.
“I reme’ber.” Daniel suddenly croaked, his voice weak and strained.
Raising his eyebrows, Jack’s heart sped up as he slowly lowered his hand back into his lap and eased forward, surprised to hear something new coming from his friend. “Remember what?” he asked gently, praying that Daniel would finally be able to tell them what had happened.
Another tear silently slid down the archaeologist’s cheek and he closed his eyes against the memories they carried. Memories that had remained hidden for so long beneath the pain.
“Daniel?” Jack prodded nervously, the pounding hope in his chest making him have to strain his ears.
“They were everywhere,” he whispered, as the scene unfolded before his mind.
“Who?”
“The butterflies…”
/ Filling the air, they stretched to the horizon. The sunlight reflecting the rainbow dust of their wings as the wild flowers reached for them, petals begging to be danced upon. Children ran through them with their arms out, dreaming of flight. And spectators knew the sight never got old.
Out of the corner of his eye, Daniel watched as Kayna swooped in and joined the dreamer’s dance. Instantly falling into rhythm with the beat of their wings, her pure, stunning spirit blended in perfectly with the painted horizon. Her laughter echoing throughout the hearts of those who stood by and admired it.
But it wouldn’t last for long. It never did…/
~// Slowing his sobs with a hiccup, Daniel peered up from his huddled position through his bloodshot and swollen eyes in search of comfort from his faithful friends. However, he was not met by warm colors or the soothing pulse of their wings that he had learned to depend on.
Instead, he was met for the very first time by empty sky.
His heart quickening with his panic, Daniel frantically look around him.
No…They have to be here. They’re always here, he internally cried, jumping up on unsteady legs and running over to the greenhouse.
Please, please…
…but they weren’t there either.
No…
Choking and stumbling back as if hit, Daniel bumped into the ledge’s wall.
/ “I have you, son.” /
Shaking his head, he sank down and pulled his knees up, wrapping his arms around his body because there was nobody else to.
They were all gone. All of them, everyone. He had no one. Even the butterflies had left him, his innocence clinging to their wings.
All alone, Daniel closed his eyes and clutched onto the remaining pieces of the presents he had made for his parents. It was all that was left. Broken wings and shattered dreams.
“Why?” he whimpered, not knowing from whom or what he sought his answer.
Just then a cool wind whisked aside his bangs, whispering a mother’s gentle touch... a gentle touch that he would never again feel the warmth of.
“No…” Choking on the sorrow that was crushing everything in his tiny chest, Daniel rested his head on his knees and cried…hard. “No…”
He held nothing back as the sobs wracked his small frame until it hurt…and the merciless world he was left all alone in, turned black… //~
Slowly opening his eyes, a new wave of tears streamed down Daniel’s face, this time carrying the memory of a little boy lost.
No…
Nothing Gold Can Stay.
It all just goes away…
~~~~~~~~~~
“Daniel?” Jack called to his friend, but the only reply he was granted was a fresh track of tears that went straight to Jack’s heart. Daniel had trailed off after saying something about “butterflies” and hadn’t reacted to Jack’s calls since. What did he mean?
“Danny?”
But the faraway look had returned to his friend’s eyes and Jack knew they would be telling him no secrets now. Though he did remember a particular cloud of butterflies that Daniel was fond of…as were the children of Tyden. They were everywhere. They went on for miles it seemed. …but no more. Their beauty was stripped from the land as death ravaged it.
Perhaps then, Daniel was finally trapped in a good memory.
Jack could only hope.
~~~~~~~~~~
…but she couldn’t.
Kayna wanted to believe that the men who had already taken so much from her, weren’t back to take what little was left.
But she couldn’t. If life had taught her anything the last few days, it was that it was merciless.
She wanted to close her eyes and believe in Riley’s, “happily ever afters.”
But she couldn’t. Not with her eyes glued on his body as it was being denied peace- something he had tried so hard to offer her even a fraction of when he was alive.
And she wanted to cry. She wanted to find a way to release the ache that was sure to consume her.
…but she couldn’t. She didn’t know how.
~~~~~~~~~~
Daniel wasn’t scared.
He was terrified.
Everything was getting so dark and muted and it was getting harder and harder for him to distinguish himself from their pain.
Black acid tendrils pulled at him relentlessly like a receding wave as it fought to deliver him to the glutinous bottom of despondency and pain…and it had almost succeeded. It had nearly consumed him, when Jack finally reclaimed his hold and pulled him back.
…but not before the damage was already done.
…not before it got a good taste of an empathetic soul and started to create “connections” to satisfy its thirst.
God, it hurt so much.
Everyone hurt so much.
His own thoughts were no longer hopeful. Instead, the sea of malaise he fought so hard just to keep his head above, had poisoned his heart and mind and brought forth excruciating memories creating emotions that were fed off of by the ‘others.’
Daniel didn’t think he’d be able to bear it much longer.
No. He knew he couldn’t. Even he could only withstand so much.
Why couldn’t it have just been the flu?
Their pain, his pain, the pain was not only taking over him …it was literally becoming him.
…and he knew it wouldn’t be long before everything he used to know disappeared.
…everything would cease to exist…except that which devoured him.
And he was sinking again. He could feel it. Their cries were getting louder, the pain, sharper, as he was slowly drug back towards the bottom.
No…
“Hold on…” Jack… “Hold on.”
~~~~~~~~~~
It had been hours now. Hours of waiting. Hours of kneeling in a circle, forced to do nothing but watch as Riley’s body rotted.
God, Riley…
…forced to do nothing but wonder if the same fate fell upon Daniel.
The three of them were herded back to the gate by the equivalent of a small army. They didn’t have a chance. Not that it still didn’t cross their minds.
Juni fought and yelled at their captors the entire way anyway, earning them all a few bruises, but Sam figured that whatever the new chief managed to spit out was well worth it.
…especially since now they wouldn’t even acknowledge them. The Murantish leader refused to talk with any of the Tydens, almost as if it were below him to do so. But, Teal’c did manage to overhear who it was they wanted.
/ “The prophet?” Sam whispered low, trying to wrap her mind around why they would return, especially when nothing was left.
“Yes. It appears he still wants information from him.”
“Well, who? I mean, if he won’t speak…”
“I do not believe they are looking for a Tyden.”
Sam’s eyes widened. He couldn’t possibly mean…
“Indeed.”
“But why?” Speaking too loudly, Carter ducked her head when one of the goons in leather walked by. With her voice lower, she continued when he passed. “Why would they think Daniel was a prophet?”
“Not a ‘prophet’ by the Tau’ri terms, MajorCarter. But a man who can bring knowledge across many tongues.” /
Knowledge that was ignored. Sam thought bitterly, watching as a member SG-5 was roughly dragged into the center of their circle. She was looking upon the scene with such intense helplessness that she didn’t even notice him come up behind her…
~~~~~~~~~~
Crying out and arching up as it tore through him, Daniel clutched the hand that held his.
Immediately squeezing back, Jack was on his feet. “Daniel?”
“God,” Choking on the pain as Jack choked on his fear, tears soaked Daniel’s face.
“Daniel, what?!” Not again, Jack prayed, as he waited for the blood to pool. God, not yet…Though he knew no amount of time could really prepare him.
“J’ck!” Daniel cried out, strengthening his hold.
“I’m here” Jack voice broke as he cupped his friend’s face. And he winced all the way down to his soul at the pain he found there.
“Ja….ahh!” crying out, Daniel bit his lips so hard they threatened to bleed. “It h’rts, J’k,” he whimpered. “…h’rts.”
Grimacing, Jack shook his head helplessly.
Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God…
Finally pulling the younger man into his arms, they desperately begged each other. “Hold on!”
“What happened?” Janet demanded, running into the room holding onto the stethoscope that hung around her neck.
Again, Jack just shook his head, cupping Daniel’s head to his chest. He never knew what to say. He never knew what to do.
God, he never knew what to do…
Trembling, the archaeologist buried himself into Jack’s shirt, clutching and pushing against him as fiercely as the fire seared through him. “Stop, stop, stop,” he begged and pleaded against forces they had no means to fight off.
“What, Daniel!?” Jack’s heart was beating a mile a minute, as he held his friend and fought to keep himself from tumbling backwards from the strength of his agony. “God, what?!” he cried.
~~~~~~~~~~
“OFF WORLD ACTIVATION!”
Hammond walked up behind the technician, “Who is it, son?”
“It’s the Tyden’s world, sir!”
~~~~~~~~~~
Shuddering uncontrollably, sweat coated Daniel’s face as he gasped into Jack’s chest.
And all Janet could do was stand by with a look of absolute horror across her face. Daniel just kept writhing in pain and wouldn’t let anybody touch him but Jack. They were completely helpless.
And all she could do was watch.
Tears pooling in her own eyes, Janet couldn’t help but think that this was it.
This is where “good-byes” are born.
“Sshh, I got you.” Jack’s voice broke as he held the archaeologist tighter, tears threatening to spill…because he knew in his heart that it wasn’t going to be enough.
It was going to take a lot more than a desperate friend’s arms to keep Daniel home.
“Stay with me.” he begged.
Please…
Rocking the rigid man in his arms, Jack wasn’t even aware that he was shaking…or how hard. “Just hold on, Danny. Come on, you can get through this!” He meant his voice to come out strong and determined. Instead the fear in his heart caused it to come out broken and desperate. “Just don’t…don’t go.” he choked.
Lifting a heavy and unsteady head, Daniel looked his friend in the eyes with huge pleading ones, “J’ck?” he whispered hoarsely right before his head rolled back and his rigid body went completely limp.
Jack shook the listless body in his arms. “Daniel?!”
Nononononono…
Janet grabbed the archaeologist’s dangling arm. “He has a pulse!” she declared, “but he’s not…”
Still cradling him against him, Jack was already forcing air into his best friend’s lungs.
Damnit, Daniel! he frantically cursed.
Don’t do this to me!
Don’t you do this to me!
Come on! Come on!!
/ “I’m coming. I’m coming.” Daniel whined half heartedly, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and grabbing his keys from the coffee table. “What’s the hurry anyway?”
“Rush hour, Dannyboy. Rush hour.” Jack replied, shooing his friend out into the early summer dawn and closing the door behind him.
Already on the sidewalk, Daniel turned to look at his friend, the sun’s painted breath stretching across one side of his face. “Jack, it’s Saturday.”
“Yup and if we don’t make it to the Pie Shoppe before everyone else does, we won’t get any fresh donuts.” he simply replied, walking past him and heading for his truck.
Daniel dropped his chin to his chest as realization dawned on him. “Bakery Rush.”
“Indeed.” Jack threw a ‘Teal’c’ over his shoulder as he walked around the vehicle and opened the driver’s door.
Standing on the bottom of the doorframe, Jack tapped the truck’s roof. “Come on, Daniel, I didn’t pick you up at this ungodly hour to get stale goods!”
Closing his eyes, the archaeologist searched for the strength he would no doubt need. Jack had been harping on all of them about spending a day together outside of the SGC for months now…they had finally agreed on one condition.
…that it wasn’t fishing.
Now they were at his mercy.
“Daniel!”
“Alright already,” he moaned, shuffling up to the vehicle. “but I want a secret stash, or all the good ones will be gone the second Teal’c gets his hands on them.” /
Denial pumped through Jack’s veins, even as he sustained Daniel’s life with air from his own lungs.
…even though he knew this moment would come.
“Come on, Danny,” he cajoled between breaths. “isn’t this getting a little old?”
“Here” In one swift move, Janet placed an Ambu bag over Daniel’s mouth and pulled him out of Jack’s arm, lowering him to the bed for a better airway. However, the second Daniel’s back touched the cot, he started gasping and coughing as he held recently limp arms out to Jack.
Instantly wrapping his arms around him and pulling him up, Jack clung to the trembling man, sighing in relief. “God, you’re going to be the death of me, Dannyboy.” he whispered, closing his eyes and stroking the back of his friend’s head.
Janet let out a breath she hadn’t known she was holding and wiped the stress from her brow with the back of her hand. She had felt like a mere backseat passenger since this whole thing had begun.
…but now it was official. Though to be honest, she knew it when Jack was able to coax life out of Daniel when there was none to be found.
All of her years of training, even all of her time at the SGC meant nothing this day. Her experiences, her education…not even her medicine could save Daniel.
Now, only a gray haired, frequently retired Air Force Colonel could. …only Daniel’s best friend could.
The “Guardian of His Soul”.
Forcing herself back into action, Janet began clucking away, quickly finding a rhythm to the rocking as the archaeologist stared off, gasping and shuddering limply in that chosen man’s arms-- save the hand that clutched the fabric of Jack’s shirt.
“Daniel? Daniel, can you hear me?” she asked over and over, without so much as a blink in response. This, of course, was a routine she had come to know well…even from the backseat. A vital part of Daniel had found its way back, but pieces of him were still out there finding their way home…and only when they all did would he be able to answer.
…and more often to not, it would be to Jack’s calls.
Daniel always answered to Jack’s calls first.
And he did this time too…even though Jack himself didn’t truly expect it yet.
“Daniel?” he prodded gently when his friend finally started to breathe easier and relax into him.
“Sam…” the younger man rasped, as the wave he road broke on the shore and he found himself once again in his best friend’s arms. “Sam.”
DISCLAIMER: All characters and property of Stargate SG-1 belong to MGM/UA, World Gekko Corp. and Double Secret Productions. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Any other characters, the storyline and the actual story are the property of the author.